Cashcard / Debitcard / Creditcard MONGS.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Montigny_La_Palisse, Jul 27, 2009.

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  1. Things that really fcuk me off. Part 1007.

    Why is it, when I'm in a hurry, the fat, useless, thick as sh1t lazy cnut in front of me in the NAAFI queue has to pay for his Mars bar and Can of Goffa with his FCUKING CARD? Carry some money you cancerous dogs cnut. And then, it doesn't work the first or second time because the shiteating pigfcuker has just had it in his pocket for a year and the strip has been permanently scratched by his keys, YOU FAT THICK LAZY CNUTS. And then, mid-payment, he realises he needs a copy of Zoo, so fcuks off to find one. I swear, I'll kill you you shithouse.

    And, as if to compound the matter. Women at cashpoints. Here's a tip, when you are queuing for a cashpoint for 10 minutes, that is ample time to get your card out of your handbag before you get to the machine. Don't start rummaging around for it WHEN YOU FCUKING GET THERE YOU WHORE. No, oh god no, don't answer your phone.... Oh you have, brilliant. So I've been queuing for ten minutes, now I have to wait another five listening to you tell your mate you're at the cash machine and you can't see the screen because it's too sunny. PU THE CNUTING PHONE DOWN AND SHIELD THE SCREEN WITH YOUR SPARE HAND. You stupid, ignorant, selfish, mindless, moronic slag.

    I demand handguns for all British citizens.
  2. hear hear y the fuck they take so long 2 get a poxy tenner out ill never know
  3. The Mongs they employ in your NAAFI don't help. Right group of BELTER's them!!!!!
  4. points! Oh fcuking cash points - why do you ALWAYS get the people that put the card in, request a mini statement and remove the card. Then, after spending 5 mins reviewing the statement (its MINI you fckuing idiot - clues in the title) put the same card back in the machine, probably check the balance on screen (better safe than sorry, benefits might not have cleared) and withdraw cash. Which, as MLP states, they will not use as they swipe the card in the shop to buy their pampers and 40 Lamberts. Its been a long weekend...
  5. While we're on the subject, why is it when you queue for fecking ages behind some female at the supermarket checkout does she act all surprised when she's asked to pay and spends a millenium looking for her purse. I feel like tw*ting them round the swad. To any ladies who read RR and do this, GET THE CARD/CASH READY AS YOUR GOODS GO THROUGH. It's a standard throughout the world, go into any shop and BUY something you need money. Cnuts really wind me up.

    Pant, pant rant over, need caffeine
  6. People who pull up at petrol pumps. Get out, stretch a little after their drive, glance nonchalantly at the sky, slowly open the flap, and oh so gently remove the screw petrol cap. Stand for a good minute debating which would be the best fuel. The options are usually diesel or unleaded, so in understand its a tough choice, maybe one day they'll invent an engine that will only run on one of them. After filling, spend a good five minutes tapping the pump onto the side of the hole to get every last drip! The pump is now out of the car, and the drips are sitting on top of the anti tamper flap and have no effect on the mileage at all but - hey - its a credit crunch so every penny counts. Then a gentle stroll to the garage where, yes of course, its time to do your weekly shop before ambling gaily over to the check out and paying (by card of course!). Said people will then take a jaunty jig back to the afore mentioned vehicle and, after a cursory inspection, enter, check the radio hasn't slipped from their desired station of choice, check the vehicle is still, as was left, in neutral (this will of course entail a vigorous shaking of the gearstick) and start engine. Mirror, signal (its a petrol garage - with a clearly marked exit, but who knows one could easily be confused) and then manoeuvre.

    All the while everyone behind is sitting there wondering what the best and most painful way to kill them, their children and the mother who had the nerve to bring them into this world.
  7. Ah, a few anger management issues here I think. Do try to chill a little chaps, you are shortening your lives you know. But then, if you are such miserable feckers it's probably better for the rest of us that you shuffle off the mortal coil early so that the world can be rid of your tiresome ilk. :roll:
  8. Take your face for a sh1t :wink:
  9. You are clearly one of those exact cnuts at the till / cashpoint / petrol pump / stood in the doorway at Sainsburys ditting on with your trolley blocking the entrance / shuffling through the street at 0.0007 mph getting in my way / talking on a mobile whilst meant to be paying / taking 6 weeks to reverse out of the only free parking space / searching for the exact change for the ticket machine despite having a perfectly good £1 coin for the 90p it costs / stood reading the paper in front of the rack so I can't get to my copy EXCUSE ME! / picking up potatoes and comparing them to get the perfect size / correcting the deli bird because your ham or pot of Olives are just under the amount you asked for / deciding whilst pulled up at the main gate that now is the perfect time for a 5 min lamp swing with the mod guard despite 187 miles of traffic backed up behind you / not entirely sure where you put your passport AT FCUKIN PASSPORT CONTROl oh look after 10 minutes searching it's at the bottom of your bag, oh no it was in my back pocket all along ahahahha / asking the hairdresser once he's finishe to just "go around and take a little more off / ordering a pint but then "oh I 'll have the, um, oooh, let's see, how's the house bitter? oh no too dark, um let's see..

  10. May I respectfully advise you to avoid the shiops and use the internet for all your requisites......................................Arsssssehoooooooooole
  11. See? it even took you an age to type Arsehole. Can't you gimmering [email protected] do anything at a decent pace?
  12. And old people. Fcuking coffin dodgers that when they've done their weekly shop at the supermarket amble out and stop dead still in the doorway while they put their change away or read the fcuking till receipt. Similarly when they come to the top or bottom of escalators they stop to gather their thoughts and take in the fcuking scenery. Get out of the way you alzheimers ridden, p!ss stinking old pharts.

    And then there's women with pushchairs or supermarket trollies. Haven't got a fcuking clue where they're going, and they'll always run into you, smashing your ankles. Never, ever give a woman anything with wheels on it unless it's a fcuking vacuum cleaner. :twisted:
  13. Oh, and if you have a small women's type car. Dont park it so it looks like there's a space from the bottom of that parking lane. Only for me to drive up and find there is a car in there, it's just reversed up to the max.

    [email protected]
  14. When I am leisurely spending my big fat RN pension I shall take great pleasure in the knowledge that I am probably offending some thick, ill-educated and boorish serving matelot. You've quite made my day. Now, where did I put my Tesco Clubcard? :D
  15. I had the same in a suoermarkets. once was behind a woman who paid for a wrigleys 5 stick and ten ciga with her credit card.i could have kick her up ythe arse as i was in a dash as well :D
  16. Off at a tangent slightly but allways a laugh.

    When stocking up for a BBQ at a supermarket. Right on top of the 10 crates of beer, bottles of wine, sausages etc etc, place one pot of baby food and a packet of nappies. Whatever the cost comes to, look a tadge embarassed and explain you are about £3.00 short and will have to put something back. With an audable mumble of "sod it she can wait" explain you no longer want the nappies or baby food. Awsome reaction normally from the female assistant and other shoppers.
  17. Collect my Navy pension. Makes me smile now to know that I have been collecting it for two years longer than I served :p
  18. Brilliant :p
  19. Haha, we were discussing this in the pub the other night- putting bets on who would be made to do it.
  20. That is my ambition, trouble is I've got nine years to go and I don't think I'll make it. I'll probably die of a coronary sustained in a supermarket when some younger tosser gets angry 'cos I'm holding him up in his ever so important life and I fill him in too aggressively.

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