Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Rumrat, Dec 3, 2010.

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  1. Whilst shepherds watch their flocks

    I stood with my lid one day,
    outside the cabin flat,
    I'd got pissed up and come back late,
    and now must lift my hat.

    Fear not said my DO to me,
    The skippers mood is great,
    He said he's not deducting pay,
    So I just replied "Great".

    He gave me 10 days number 9's,
    And then stopped three days leave,
    But then the bastard took as well
    The hook off my left sleeve.

    Thus is the fortune of poor "Jack"
    Its guaranteed he'll loose,
    For if your bad, consistently,
    They shove you in DQ's.

    I hope the reg that picked me up,
    Gets cancers on his hole,
    I hope his bell end swells like fuck,
    And his dad ends on the dole.

    I hope that at this festive time,
    This don't happen to you,
    Don't get pissed up and loose your "rate",
    And maybe "badges" too.

    Once in Royal Davids city

    Once in Plymouth's Royal dockyard,
    stood a lonely big OD,
    He had lost his best-est oppo,
    The poor sod had gone to sea,
    Lonely was the poor "dusty",
    his best mate had gone to sea.

    He'd come down from "Brum" to Devon,
    They had then gone on the piss,
    They had had a Brahma run then ,
    of the type you should not miss,
    They got pissed, they drank all night,
    Found some Yanks, and had a fight.

    Soon the Regs they came and found them,
    They came in their Tilly van,
    And with kindness, kicked and punched them,
    Took them back to their head man,
    Jack he could not give a toss,
    For the regs or even Joss.

    When the day light finally found them,
    they thought they had gone to hell,
    Both had spewed and shit their Keck's and,
    were both banged up in a cell,
    As he sobered up jack thought,
    Fuck another patrol report.

    When they both got back from barracks,
    they had other worries now,
    Their station cards had both been lifted,
    As their lids would soon be now,
    Dusty said to his pal Buck,
    I don't give a flying fuck.

    Two days later at the table,
    when the shit had hit the fan,
    Buck had got a friggin warrant,
    He was not a happy man,
    Dusty had not got hard lines,
    Came away with 10 days nines.

    Alas Buck got fifty-six days,
    as he had done this before,
    He had had two strikes before hand,
    Now he should have got no more,
    Dusty gasped at poor Bucks news,
    Poor twat went off to DQ's.

    And at last when Buck was let out,
    His got drafted straight to sea,
    Dusty stood on the Ho and stared out ,
    at the place that he would be.
    But then a thought shot through his "brain",
    Get out on the piss again. 8O 8O

    Yes I know it's "hard Lyings but give us a break, its Christmas.
  2. Smilie and Vorderman for me! Dirty slags.
  3. jockpopeye

    jockpopeye Badgeman Book Reviewer

    That is 'kin genius! :)
  4. We three Kings of Orient are
    one in a taxi
    one in a car
    one on a scooter blowing his hooter
    following yonder star :lol:
  5. Good King Wenceslas

    The friggin joss man once looked out,
    of the reg office scupper,
    Caught me out the rig of day,
    on my way to supper.
    Get night clothing on right now,
    he shouted at me quickly,
    I knew that he meant the biz,
    Twas then that I felt sickly.

    Later on at half past ten,
    just about at pipe down,
    My best oppo came off shore,
    Brought me chips from down town.
    But the killick of the grot,
    had got on a shitty,
    Told us both to FRO,
    Fuckin big girls clitty.

    Went to brecky the next day,
    by now I was starvin,
    Would have sold me parts for scran,
    but need more than a Farthin,
    The chief cook was at the hatch,
    As I grabbed the bacon,
    He called me a greedy twat,
    Big mistake he's makin.

    Your the fat twat here pal,
    I retorted snappy,
    anyway your friggin scran
    Is over cooked and crappy,
    You've three choices he replied
    You can eat or leave it,
    I said that was only two ,
    So the bastard heaved it.

    Covered now from head to toe,
    In sausages and bacon,
    I started to say to him,
    Big mistake you're makin,
    But he was a real big twot,
    and that's why I got diddly,
    Smacked me with a tray of eggs,
    then with devilled kidney.

    I'm waiting for stand easy now,
    There's good cobs in the NAAFI,
    can-man doesn't get a strop,
    when we call him Gaddafi,
    He sells picnics and mars bars,
    everything that's tasty,
    And if we flash the bugger up,
    doesn't try to waste me.

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