Candidates for the "Darwin Awards"

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by sgtpepperband, Jan 25, 2008.

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  1. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Dis made I larf... :lol:

    BIG QUIZ (LBC)
    Gary King: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.
    Contestant: Lepers.

    QUIZMANIA (ITV)
    Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with 'T'.
    Contestant: Doctor.
    Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango. 'T' for Tintinnabulation.
    Contestant: Oh, right . . . (pause) . . . Doctor.

    DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)
    Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
    Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue.
    Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?
    Contestant: Cartons?

    BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
    Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
    Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
    Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
    Contestant: Leicester.

    BBC NORFOLK
    Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant: I don't know.
    White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
    Contestant: Arm.
    White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . . .?
    Contestant: Strong.
    White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
    Contestant: Louis.
    White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

    LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
    Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
    Contestant: France.
    Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
    Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
    Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
    Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
    Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
    Contestant: Paris.

    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
    Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
    Contestant: Homosexuals.
    Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

    THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
    Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party?
    Contestant: The Conservative Party.

    BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)
    DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
    Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

    THE WEAKEST LINK
    Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet?
    Contestant: Jool carriageway?

    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
    Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
    Contestant: Goosey, goosey?

    GWR FM (Bristol)
    Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
    Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

    RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND)
    Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The ...?
    Caller: Mohicans.

    QUIZMANIA
    Greg Scott: We're looking for a word that goes in front of 'clock'.
    Contestant: Grandfather.
    Scott: Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.
    Contestant: Panda.

    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO manchester)
    Phil: What's 11 squared?
    Contestant: I don't know.
    Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
    Contestant: Is it five?

    RICHARD AND JUDY
    Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
    A: Forrest Gump.

    RICHARD AND JUDY
    Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
    Contestant: Er . . .
    Leslie: He makes bread .. .
    Contestant: Er . . .
    Leslie: He makes cakes .. .
    Contestant: Kipling Street?

    MAGIC 52 (NORTHEAST ENGLAND)
    Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
    Contestant: Erm .. .
    Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
    Contestant: 1965?

    SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)
    Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
    Contestant: Six.
    Tufnell: Higher!
    Contestant: Five.

    RICHARD AND JUDY
    Q: What's the Prince of Wales's Christian name?
    A: Err . . .
    Q: Here's a clue: he was married to Diana.
    A: Err . . .
    Q: It begins with a 'C'.
    A: No idea.

    MAGIC FM
    Graham Dene: What was the name of Tony Blair's chief spin-doctor who resigned last year?
    Contestant: Iain Duncan Smith.

    FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)
    Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED and PIT.
    Team: Chedpit.

    LINCS FM PHONE-IN
    Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
    Contestant: Barcelona.
    Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
    Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

    RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW
    Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
    Contestant: 23.

    NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM)
    Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest?
    Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it?

    THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)
    Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter 'e'.
    Contestant: Ghana.
    Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
    Contestant: New Zealand.

    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
    Question: What is the world's largest continent?
    Contestant: The Pacific

    ROCK FM (PRESTON)
    Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
    Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

    THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
    Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
    Contestant: Magna Carta.

    JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
    O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
    Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er . . . er . . . three?

    NATIONAL LOTTERY
    Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what?
    Contestant: Jelly.

    RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)
    Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory?
    Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's?

    BLIND DATE (ITV)
    Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
    Boy: Charlotte Bronte.

    STEVE PENK BREAKFAST SHOW (VIRGIN RADIO)
    Steve Penk: What is the name of the French-speaking Canadian state?
    Contestant: America? Portugal? Canada? Mexico? Italy? Spain?

    CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
    Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
    Caller: Japan.
    Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
    Caller: Er . . . Mexico?

    THE VAULT
    Gabby Logan: What is the county town of Kent?
    Contestant: Kentish Town?

    DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)
    Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
    Contestant: Enid Blyton

    DAVE LEE TRAVIS SHOW (BREEZE FM)
    DLT: In which European country are there people called Walloons?
    Contestant: Wales.

    PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
    Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
    Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

    NATIONAL LOTTERY
    Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing . .. what?
    Contestant: Basketball.

    NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ
    Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place?
    Contestant (after pause): Blackcurrant Harbor?

    DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
    Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
    Contestant: Holland?
    Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
    Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
    Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
    Contestant: No.

    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
    Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
    Contestant: Er . . .
    Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
    Contestant: Blimey?
    Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
    Contestant: (Silence)
    Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
    Contestant: Walked?

    NATIONAL LOTTERY
    Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea: a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea?
    Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.

    THE VAULT
    Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
    Contestant: Nostalgic.

    LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
    Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
    Contestant: Jewish.
    Presenter: That's close enough.

    BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1
    Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
    Contestant: Ummm .. .
    Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'.
    Contestant: Shark.

    STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
    Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
    Contestant: Jesus.

    CATCHPHRASE (ITV)
    Roy Walker: What mythical creature was half-man half-beast?
    Contestant: Buffalo Bill.
     
  2. And these idiots are allowed to VOTE ? No wonder we get crap governments !!
     
  3. That last one made me spit my beer out as I guffawed, but my particular favourite is picturing the Lepers capering "a la" Monty Pythons!
     
  4. First time some of us have come across it though.

    A number of goods one there SPB, but a bit too bloody long! :)

    Talk Sport Radio

    Mike Parry: How many Christmases took place during the Second World War?
    Contestant: Fifty-eight.


    Thanks go to Private Eye
     
  5. Thats the Gash Barge for you Harry, I wonder if it was posted or moved there?
     
  6. Ha ha, I know. I keep forgetting we have a gash barge :(
     
  7. Think that is part of the idea from removing it from the main page, threads can be moved there that are non entities without cluttering up the main page, however threads that are 'controversial' can get moved there as well, thus reducing the number of members who get involved (and amused) by them
     
  8. I think it was Churchill who observed that the best argument against democracy was a five minute conversation with the average voter.
     
  9. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

  10. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Oops, sorry. Typo; blonde moment; stress; etc... thought it was the link to my post on R****T. I'll get you a tot as an apology (oops, wrong site!) :oops: :wink:
     
  11. Saw t'other one you posted elsewhere SPB.

    Glad to see your legendary powers of observation are working at full tilt
     
  12. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Whatever... :yawn:
     
  13. The average voter can actually converse that long?
     

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