Cage Fighting Kiddies.

#1
Following on from the recent scandal surrounding the case of children as young as 8 years
of age being filmed at a *Cage Fighting* venue in Preston, our own undercover sources have just
discovered something even more alarming.
21 year old Tyler McHooligan, an unemployed car thief and his 16 year old partner Kylie O'Bese,
who live in a six bedroom £450,000 council sponsored detached mansion on the outskirts of
Walthamstow with their 6 month old identical triplets, Ecstasy, Smacker and Mongolina have
been uploading videos of their infants having fights in the cot that they all share.
Mister McHooligan said: "Our Kylie who was washing out the kids bottles in the shit-house,
heard a noise from their room like an' she went in an' like she saw that Smacker had like
rolled on his back an' got up close to the other two an' he was like kickin' the crap out of
both of 'em. So she filmed it on her HTC Wildfire mobile wot she had just nicked from the
Phones4U shop and uploaded it to YouTube, an like it got a million hits".
Miss O'Bese, who is a professional shoplifter added: "Me dad came round an' he put some
barbed wire round the kids cot to make it look good an' he give the kids some little baseball
bats to hold, but the little bleeders kept on droppin' 'em so we taped 'em to their little arms
an' filmed 'em again and then me mum made up this website called www.Baby-Battle.co.uk
and we only charge a tenner for membership. All the money goes for the kids hospital bills
but some of it goes to him next door when he brings tobacco back from Belgium. Mongolina
has only been knocked out once, and little Ecstasy is recovering from ruptured kidneys,
otherwise all three of 'em are perfectly normal healthy babies. Little Smacker has to go for
a brain scan tomorrow an' the doctor sez it's perfectly normal for a baby of his age to be
pissin' blood. We're in the middle of arranging a sponsorship deal with Walthamstow Social
Services - so they don't have a problem wiv' it either........."
Mr McHooligan also stated: "When the kids is too big to share that cot, we gonna move 'em
to their own bedrooms and give 'em a cot each. THEN I'm goin' to put a Pitbull in with each
of 'em and we're gonna film them fights an' upload 'em to me mums website. Might have to
put the membership price up, but it'll be worth it 'cos them fights'll be f**king brilliant"
Former star of the hit US sitcom *Two and a half men*, Charlie Sheen, who is a keen supporter
of www.Baby-Battle.co.uk is now trying to get their story to the big screen in a movie project
called *Raging Babies*. Starring tough guy action hero Stephen Segal and (in her first acting role
since winning The X-Factor) Susan Boyle as the unemployed parents of six-month-old Siamese
quadruplets who are all joined together at the head and their battle with the authorities as they
try to join The World Cage Fighting Federation and market their infants as:
"The Octopus Kid" (Four heads - eight arms, and eight legs of fighting fury!)
Mr Sheen was unavailable for comment.
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