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Burns Day


On a hill, there stood a dookit,
its no there noo, 'cause some cxxt took it!!

waitin on the sassenachs enquiring as to what the fxxk a dookit is?!?!?


War Hero
As fair art thou, my bonie lass,
So deep in luve am I,
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till a' the seas gang dry.

Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the sun as got is at on!
now lift ya ass, my bonnie lass.
Ma balls are in the bracken.



War Hero
Not sure, but I think a dookit is something to do with catching birds of the feathered variety. Could be wrong, but I have something in the old memory banks having spent some years in Bonnie Scotland.


tis a place where one keeps ones doos, if one is enclined to keep doos, me, i think people who keep doos are fxxxxxg nutters!!


Lantern Swinger
Tas-ape said:
- Haggis : It is a shame that the "Great chieftain o' the puddin' race" should be regarded (by some) with such a mixture of horror and humour. The vision of sheep's stomachs and other intestines seems to put some people off, but it has long been a traditional way of using up parts of the animal which otherwise might go to waste. Made properly, it is a tasty, wholesome dish, with every chef creating his or her own recipe to get the flavour and texture (dry or moist) that suits them. Personally, I like a haggis which is spicy from pepper and herbs, with a lingering flavour on the palate after it has been consumed.
One cookery book I came across suggested that the best way to get haggis was to buy it in the butcher's shop! Certainly, these days haggis can even be ordered online. Finding a butcher who can supply sheep's heart, lungs and liver may not be easy although nowadays beef bung (intestine) is used instead of sheep's stomach. Since this is used also to make European sausage, they are out there for other nationalities as well.
Set of sheep's heart, lungs and liver (cleaned by a butcher)
One beef bung
3 cups finely chopped suet
One cup medium ground oatmeal
Two medium onions, finely chopped
One cup beef stock
One teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon pepper
One teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon mace
Trim off any excess fat and sinew from the sheep's intestine and, if present, discard the windpipe. Place in a large pan, cover with water and bring to the boil. Reduce the heat and simmer for an hour or possibly longer to ensure that they are all tender. Drain and cool.
Some chefs toast the oatmeal in an oven until it is thoroughly dried out (but not browned or burnt!) Finely chop the meat and combine in a large bowl with the suet, oatmeal, finely chopped onions, beef stock, salt, pepper, nutmeg and mace. Make sure the ingredients are mixed well. Stuff the meat and spices mixture into the beef bung which should be over half full. Then press out the air and tie the open ends tightly with string. Make sure that you leave room for the mixture to expand or else it may burst while cooking. If it looks as though it may do that, prick with a sharp needle to reduce the pressure.
Place in a pot and cover with water. Bring to the boil and immediately reduce the heat and simmer, covered, for three hours. Avoid boiling vigorously to avoid bursting the skin.
Serve hot with "champit tatties and bashit neeps" (mashed/creamed potato and turnip/sweede). For added flavor, you can add some nutmeg to the potatoes and allspice to the turnip/sweede. Some people like to pour a little whisky over their haggis - Drambuie is even better! Don't go overboard on this or you'll make the haggis cold. over it.

Tas-Ape, thanks for that, now to find the North American version of a butcher that sells that stuff as opposed to processed deli cr*p - misses will be pleased when I start cooking it - NOT!


War Hero
My wife is Scottish, (from Ayrshire, just doon the way fae Rabbies hoose) but only once have I ever eaten haggis and that was one time too many. Strangely my kids love it, no accounting for taste I suppose, but as I tell the missus, its an improvement on the Jocks eating each other.

"The English steel we could distain, secure in valours station,
But English gold has been our bane, such a parcel of rouges in a nation"


Lantern Swinger
Just having my morning trawl through the RR, and suddenly remembered another Scottish delicacy..Potted Hough!!! Any sweaty socks in exile remember that, on a piece. :razz:
brigham600 said:
Not sure, but I think a dookit is something to do with catching birds of the feathered variety. Could be wrong, but I have something in the old memory banks having spent some years in Bonnie Scotland.

A dookit is where you keep your Doos


Lantern Swinger
My favourite bit of Burns is from Tam O Shanter
When chapman billies leave the street
And drouthy neebors, neebors meet
As market-days are wearing late
An' folk begin to tak the gate;
While we sit bousing at the nappy
An' getting fou and unco happy
We think na on the lang Scots miles
The mosses, waters, slaps, and styles
That lie between us and our hame
Whare sits our sulky sullen dame
Gathering her brows like gathering storm
Nursing her wrath to keep it warm

Had our Burns supper last Saturday (I know it's early)
Cullen skink, haggis, cranachan & lots of single malt !


Tony Blair was being shown around a Scottish hospital.

At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims:

Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain e' the puddin' race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
painch tripe or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
as lang's my arm.

Tony, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, and immediately the patient launches into:

Some hae meat, and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit.

This continues with the next patient:

Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
wi' bickering brattle.
I wad be laith to run and chase thee,
wi' murdering prattle!"

"Well," Tony mutters to his Scottish colleague, "Is this the psychiatric ward?"

"Nay, nay," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the Serious Burns unit."


War Hero
"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."
George Burns.

"People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit."
George Burns.

"When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick."
George Burns

"I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere."
George Burns.

Good Old Burns, what a character :lick: