Brummie walks into a tailor's...

[sgtpepperband]

"Alroit mate I'd like a 70s suit please"

Tailor says:
"Certainly sir, and would you like a kipper tie?"

Brummie says:
"Thanks mate, 2 sugars"

 

[sulzer]

Man walks into Gieves & Hawkes
Man to assistant "I would like a clip om bow tie."
Assistant to man
"Sir, this is a gentleman's oufitter. Not a novelty shop!"

 

[leeblease]

A brummie walks into a trophy shop, and asks the counter assistant if he has any trophies sculpted like a dog.

counter assistant says "18 carrat"

brummie says " no chewin a bone"

 

[skyvet]

Geordie is in London, and is standing outside Buck House when the Queen spots him from her window. She sends a flunkie down to invite Geordie up for a cuppa. As she pours him a cuppa, she notices him eyeing up a plate of cream cakes, and asks "would you like a cream slice or a meringue"?
"Nah, you're not wong Hinny, I like cream cakes"!

 

[Passed-over_Loggie]

There's this man walking by the canal under spaghetti junction and he sees a man fishing:

Man - have you caught much?

Fisherman - not really. I caught a whale earlier.

Man - a whale? where is it?

Fisherman - I threw it back. All the spokes were bent.

Not Brum but that fascinating piece of country North and West of there;

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blackcountry/features/2002/12/accents/black_country_jokes.shtml

 

[Stripey_G]

A, Yo!! stop tekin the piss outa us Brummies!!!! :threaten: :threaten:

 

[sgtpepperband]

White van man to pedestrian:
"S'cuse me mate does yow now if there's a B & Q in Wolverhampton?"

Pedestrian:
"Sorry mate oi don't, but I nows theres 2 D's in Dudley"

+++++

During the war, a British General visited an Army Hospital of the South Staffordshire Regiment.
Sensing a doom and gloom atmosphere he tried to rally the men by asking "Now
you men didn't come here to die did you?" To which Aynuk and Ayli replied " Na
sur, way booth coomd ere yesterdie."

+++++++

Wots the difference between a buffalo and a bison
You cor wash yer onds in a buffalo

+++++

What do they call "Toys -R- Us in Dudley ?
"Toys Am We"

+++++++

Man walks into a jewellers shop. 'Ay yo got some rings?' 'Certainly, Sir. Eighteen carat?' 'No, chewing tobacca'

 

[Stripey_G]

BZ SgtP.....obviously you find us Brummies...er....charming!! :thumright:

 

[Passed-over_Loggie]

My Black Country friend gets most indignant if anyone calls her a Brummie.


Stripey_G. I thought some of them jokes were bostin. I'm not sure that threatening to shoot a wammel is very nice, though.

 

[Stripey_G]

To be honest, I don't come from the Yam Yam side of Brum (who would want to?) but last time I visited there, couldn't understand a bloody word they were on about!!

P_O_L.....thought they were bostin' too!! and I wouldn't really shoot the wammel.....people have been sending me nudes!! :thumright:

 

[type42stoker]

To be honest, I don't come from the Yam Yam side of Brum (who would want to?) but last time I visited there, couldn't understand a bloody word they were on about!!

I know what you mean. If I ever venture over to the dark side (i.e. the Black Country) I need to take my Brummie to Black Country dictionary, even then a lot gets lost in translation. :thumright: