British women, I can no longer defend their honour.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Montigny-La-Palisse, Oct 30, 2012.

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  1. Having recently returned from another foray abroad, In many conversations with our European friends I discovered that they have an incredibly low opinion on the quality of our women. Naturally I was not having Johnny Foreigner giving me any of that shit and extolled the virtues of our ladies of the islands and their many merits. After a few days of naturally revelling in the phenomena of being surrounded by epic, lithe, clear skinned, polite and friendly stunners in foreign climes I started to think, are our women really that stinking? Or is it just A; a stereotype perpetuated by Euromales or B; absolutely fucking true.

    On return to the UK, we decided to look upon our British women through the roving eye of a man abroad, pretending that we weren't at home and that we were high on the joy of being away and seeking foreign beauties. This is where my defence of our own was finally dashed.

    On the plane, the only woman we identified as British near us looked like Boris Johnson, she was also picking her nose and arguing with the stewardess about having to stow her bag for takeoff. We discarded that as an unfair start. Once we landed, we went straight through arrivals and saw few women of the bracket (18-40) who we could rate, we found one who smelt of B.O. with a nose like a puffin but we couldn't ascertain her country of origin. We think her Wales rugby shirt may have been a hint but we discarded that also as 'can't be sure'. Driving back and pulling into the service station we found a mass of people milling around, we were immediately confronted with the final evidence that Europe is correct and we are wrong.

    Two fat cunts in their pyjamas, PYJAMAS (it was about 1900), flip flops, greasy hair and hoodies queuing up for Mcdonalds. Four 19 - 20 year olds who looked like Alice Cooper stood just inside the door playing shite music on their iPhones and gobbing off at anyone walking past. But the crescendo of gopping; a fat bird with her arse hanging out and her obese, puzzlingly pierced belly button hanging down by her groin telling her boyfriend to hold her coffee whilst she "went for a quick shit'.

    In contrast, on our final day abroad we actively looked for a rats foreign bird and it took us 12 hours of city centre walking, eating and drinking to find one and she was American anyway.

    Heaven help us, we're fucked.
  2. An excellent summary of a walk through Commercial Road in DSC and yes the majority of Btitish women are wolverines.
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2012
  3. Does this apply to WO1 Susan (Rattler) Morgan ?
  4. A very accurate summary. On a recent trip to Berlin I arrived at the hostel to find a group of Norwegian girls at the bar and lost the ability to speak for 20 minutes.

    On arrival back in the UK I was confronted by something that made an oompa loompa look pale, a fat bint stood around scratching her arse and various other disgraces to the species.

    Mind you I was at Liverpool Airport so it may not be a fair reflection on the country as a whole.
  5. You mean to say you would turn down a classy bird with a bottle of Bucky in one hand, fag in the other and trackies on?

    Surely the sea monsters need some luvvin too!
  6. Of course a bunch a salty navy-like fuckpigs are the perfect judge of british womanliness.

  7. With the amount of women I have hung out of I would say YES!
  8. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Euromale...... EUROMALE.......FUCKING EUROMALE....!!!???

    Is there something you need to share with the group? What kind of "Outing" did you and your "Man" friend go on?
  9. Man friend = his oppo Finks. (Their spats are only a blatant cover story.)

    Besides, the timing of their recent absences from RR cannot have been merely 'coincidental'...:evil2:
  10. silverfox

    silverfox War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    On the evidence of the current crop of fillies that are my daughters U6th form, I would say you need to move in better circles...

  11. Does this mean you are happy for your daughter to invite her friends into the lion den?
    But know what you mean if MLP want to frequent the gutters he is only going to find gutter dwellers. or he sobered up in the UK

    I remember a program on the box which some boffin said he could pair up couples as everyone had a type, next morning whilst putting the world to rights we decided he did not cater for jack, we decided they would have been given our undivided attention
  12. So are you saying that Jimmy Saville was right?:toothy8:
  13. Cool, any chance of a call round?
  14. Only if you mince along with Finks in tow :wink:
  15. What on Earth's wrong with British women then? Essence through and through, always impeccably turned out, and absolutely gagging for any piece of gristle they can lay their gobs on. If it wasn't for British munters, places like Falaraki in Greece and Newcastle city centre would be redundant......

    Newcastle in the snow.

  16. The town I now live in is like a retirement home for ugly women
  17. We had to send them somewhere and we heard you weren’t that fussy?:toothy8:
  18. I think the key is, although there are diamonds in the rough, on the whole our mingpig to stunner ratio is awful in comparison to the continent.

    Maybe they just don't allow theirs out.
  19. Help to sort out what you are looking at

    How to Look like a Chavette1
    Clothes: Invest in some skin tight leggings, most likely black ones. These are a 'must have' favourite - particularly among chubby Chavettes (usually young mums aged between 14 and 25) Remember in summer to get your toes out. Chavettes love to show their dirty, badly fake-tanned feet in their Primark £1.99 sandals. A baby in a pram could also be classed as a piece of clothing among most Chav colonies.
    Hair: Chavs were once known to have long hair tied into a side ponytail or bun, but now, it has been updated. Be addicted to your hair straighteners. You can never be too Chav to straighten the f*** out of your hair. Dye your hair either bleached blonde, jet black (classic Chavettes!) or that red-purpley colour that has since been made popular amongst Chavettes by well-known X-Factor Celebrities.3
    Make-up: Wear lots of liquid black eyeliner, liberally coated mascara (3/4 coats should do it) and really fake looking False Eyelashes from Superdrug. Foundation is a must and should be reapplied frequently throughout the day - a nice tangerine/orange complexion is a Chavettes staple, as is a ridiculous fake-tan. Blusher isn't usually used (much too healthy looking) and neither is a coloured lipstick. Stick to a death-pale concealer on the lips or legit death-pale lipstick - even better make it a white shade. Apply liberally.4
    Jewellery: Chav Etiquette calls on how one must look as rich as possible, even though this ironically makes them look really poor. Gold earrings from Argos were once a firm must, but now the 'Cash-4-gold' shops have spread around Great Britain like wild fire - so Chavs have resorted to selling off their Argos Gold jewellery (as well as Gold family heirloom jewellery - stolen from their nan's house and other pensioners) for a few quid, thus the Chav-style has evolved onto Primark Gold, Primark gold being fake - as with any high-street jewellery. High-street Jewellery isn't 'Chav' - but wearing lots of it at the same time is. Layer it, wear as much jewellery as much as possible, and remember fake diamantes should be heavily embellished on belts, hats, and belt-buckles etc.
    Get the Attitude1
    Chew chewing gum as much as possible.
    Spit on the floor
    Swear in every sentence, especially the 'F' word.
    Get to know the chavvy music e.g. Tinie Tempah or the majority of Ibiza mega-mixes
    Decide whether you are a Racist Chav or Chav trying to fake being of black descent. Both are prominent in the complex Chav Kingdom depending on where you live
    Listen to music really loud on your earphones in the street, on the bus, or in your zuped up chav-car. If the latter - windows down, even if it's freezing cold.
    Shout a lot in public. Intimidation is key to Chav-power.
    Drink cans of Coke in the street (even better Stella) and eat a bar of chocolate or crisps for snack time if you're at school. Never bring packed lunches - starve yourself and smoke where possible.
    Be addicted to your phone/Facebook. One must keep on top of Estate gossip and politics.
    Most chavs have a stark need to reproduce, and it is drilled into them from childhood that it is the only reason to live - how else can you make money without having a job. Be Benefit Savvy.


    • Don't go round declaring that you're a Chav, they'll soon realize you're a fake and jump you.
    • Try to get a Chav boyfriend, it will bode well for you if you do this. Remember, single Chavettes are seen as nothing but the local estate lesbian.
    • To improve your chances of getting a Chav boyfriend, put out on the first date (preferably at the Bus Station) or at a party.
    • If you're rich - wear Ugg boots at parties; leopard print ones in particular. These are seen as Formal Attire amongst the breed. Don't ever say you bought them with your own benefit-money - just say you stole them from a stupid cow you smacked earlier, and laugh.
    • Being clever is for geeks - so try to lower your IQ and for god sake never admit to reading a book for fun.
    • Swear frequently.
    • Attack people frequently.
    • Random tattoos are a nice touch. Be sure to get these out in the summer.
    • Socialize at local Chav hot-spots: the job centre, sexual health clinic, bus stations (as already mentioned) and Mc Donalds.
    • Like Like x 2
  20. :rofl:Eh Sumo you sure know your Chav's. I just wonder where you hang around.

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