Navy Net - Royal Navy Community

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

British Army Answer Phone

The_Caretaker

War Hero
Thank you for calling the British Army. I'm sorry, but all our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organisation, the region, the specific crisis and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call.

Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers:

a. If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal Marines.

b. If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate, good hotels and can be solved by one or two low-risk bombing runs, please press 2 for the Royal Air Force. (Please note that this service is not available after 1630 or at weekends.)

c. If your enquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a warship, some bunting, flags, a damn good cocktail party and a first class marching band, please write, well in advance, to the First Sea Lord, The Royal Navy, Whitehall, London SW1.

Thank you for calling and if you are interested in joining the Army (please, please, please, although retention is fine and we are right up to strength) and wish to be liberalised yet paradoxically AGAI'd, paid little, have premature Arthritis, put your wife and family (or gay lover) in a condemned hut miles from civilisation; and are prepared to work your balls off day and night whilst watching the Treasury eroding your origanal terms and conditions and promising a better pension , serving mainly in sandy climes, whilst picking up rubbish and putting out house fires all over the UK, while fireman and binmen have a little holiday; then please stay on the line. Your call will shortly be passed onto a bitter, passed-over Recruiting Sergeant in a horrendously fronted, yet grotty little office down by the railway station.

Have a nice day and thank you again for trying to contact The British Army
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
D British Army answer phone message. RR Greatest Threads 4
MoD_RSS Defence Secretary opens £70-million British Army facility in Kenya MoD News 0
MoD_RSS £102-million investment in detect and destroy system for British Army MoD News 0
MoD_RSS British Army trains 500th Somali soldier in infantry skills MoD News 0
MoD_RSS British Army family gets new home for Christmas as they move into the first refurbished houses MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Wales to play part in delivering new British Army vehicle MoD News 0
MoD_RSS British Army protects big cats in Belize MoD News 0
MoD_RSS British Army trains Somali National Army Brigade headquarters MoD News 0
soleil Plymouth Live: "Royal Navy And British Army Reduce Presence In Caribbean" RFA 3
P Royal Navy or British Army? Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 46
MoD_RSS £2.8bn armoured vehicle contract secured for British Army MoD News 0
MoD_RSS British Army soldiers’ skills mapped to the Scottish qualifications framework MoD News 0
Sumo Justice being sort or vendetta against the British Army, with Politicians letting it happen? Current Affairs 1
MoD_RSS British Army launches Industrial Engagement Framework MoD News 0
MoD_RSS DE&S and British Army launch the Army Warfighting Experiment (AWE) 20 experimentation project MoD News 0
MoD_RSS British Military works with Vietnam People's Army MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: British Army tests innovative virtual reality training MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: British Army receives pioneering bomb disposal robots MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: Army start biggest military robot exercise in British history, Defence Secretary announces MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: British Army set to redefine warfare with joint Autonomous Warrior MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: British Army’s new air defence missile blasts airborne target by Baltic Sea MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: British army officer killed during WW1 is honoured as he is laid to rest MoD News 0
Armouredcav18 British Army to Royal Navy transfer Joining the Royal Navy 3
MoD_RSS News story: Seven british Army soldiers killed during World War 1 are honoured as they are laid to rest MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: British Army’s rifle set for multi-million-pound upgrade MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Press release: British Army re-joins Boxer programme MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Speech: Dynamic security threats and the British Army: Chief of the General Staff General... MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: British Army reservists join NATO’s Kosovo Force MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: The British Army combat the illegal trade in wildlife by partnering with... MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: British and Australian military work with Vietnam People's Army MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Press release: The British army women’s football team visits Kuwait MoD News 0
Stirlin 200th anniversary of Gurkha regiment service in British army. The Quarterdeck 0
DemobJob Candidate Support Managers (British Army) in Upavon, Wiltshire. The Afterlife - Resettlement and Jobs 0
Bad CO The Official ARRSE Guide to the British Army by Major Des Astor Competitions 1
Ageing_Gracefully British Army Military Book of the Year 2010 Award Ceremony and Author Talk The Book Club 0
soleil T'graph: "British Armed Forces: Army, Navy And RAF In Stats" Current Affairs 31
L Information on 1990s British Army Documentary Films, Music, TV & All Things Artsy 1
golden_rivet the last bayonet charge of the British Army History 6
The_Caretaker British Army Diamond Lil's 2
oldseadog Military Training For Moslems by British Army Current Affairs 22
B BRITISH ARMY SOLDIERS ON LSD History 6
MoD_RSS Space launch from British soil one step closer MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Change of British High Commissioner to Cameroon: Dr Christian Dennys-McClure MoD News 0
MoD_RSS British Embassy Athens programme in celebration of the bicentenary of the Greek Revolution MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Change of British High Commissioner to Ghana: Harriet Thompson MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Louise De Sousa is the new British Ambassador to Chile MoD News 0
MoD_RSS British Embassy strengthens health response efforts to tackle COVID-19 in Sololá MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Government announces plan to scrap EU law, ensuring British drivers avoid £50 a year insurance hike MoD News 0
MoD_RSS New campaign to support vaccine roll-out backed by social media companies and British institutions MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Tim Richards announced as new chair of the British Film Institute MoD News 0
Similar threads


















































Top