Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by slim, Mar 13, 2008.

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  1. Budget report from "The Daily Mash" the thinking mans newspaper.

    News - Society

    MILLIONS of people across Britain last night vowed to give up food instead of alcohol if the government forced them to choose.

    Tom Logan, a 27 year-old accountant, said he would eat his dog and live on grass rather than give up meeting with his friends on a Wednesday for a couple of pints of lager and a game of cribbage.

    He added: "I've cancelled my life insurance and sold my car. Hopefully that will keep me going until the army stages a coup."

    Nikki Hollis, a 33 year-old sales manager, said she would switch her six month-old child from organic baby food to strips of newspaper soaked in Oxo rather than give up large glasses of Chablis.
    "I've worked hard to achieve this standard of white wine and if I have to take my youngest daughter out of private school to maintain that, I will."

    Bill Mckay, 86, said he had stopped consuming vegetables and would fill up by eating his duvet so he could carry on drinking his nightly glass of Lamb's Navy Rum.

    He said: "I will have to smoke a lot more to kill my appetite, and hope my winter fuel allowance increase lasts me through the dark months when I have a small one in the morning to wake me up.

    "But I lived all through the Second World War and drank every day. If Adolf Hitler couldn't stop me, what chance do you give this twat with the dodgy eyebrows
  2. He with the dodgy eyebrows and the nodding dog sat behind him have at least upped the annual road tax allowance for the over 60's. The wife and I can now afford to tax two Land Rovers, and they pay us to do it. If we were both over 80, we'd buy a range rover sport and drive it around in first gear.
    Spent last year's fuel allowance on coats and woolly jumpers.
    Wonder if anyone's selling "Nodding Gordons" for the back window of cars!
    geoff(ers) :nemo:
  3. I don't know about the 'Nodding Gordons' but I can see some one dusting of the old 'Don't Blaim Me I Voted Tory' stickers that people used to have in their rear windows in the dying days of the last Labour government.
  4. Feckers have all got dodgy fecking everything. Me I'm back to living like an RN Officer - 2 cars in the drive an feck all in the fridge.
    Still no real alternative with the current Tory tw"t and cant remember the name of the latest prick in the Lib - Dem quango I lost count after that pisshead Kennedy got the boot and some other cnut called - can you believe it "MING" droped dad i think - still back to my lunchtime tot.
  5. OOPs meant dead or did I???

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