Like most fellows, there is nothing i enjoy more than a good dump. There is something theraputic about emptying ones bowels while catching up on events in the current issue of FHM, The Times or whatever book i'm reading at the time. I would say that i am regular and have no complaints in this department or in relation to consistancy of turd. This is until i go around my mates house. For some reason, the minute i set foot in his gaff, i have this uncontrollable urge to vacate my bowels at speed, with alarming results. I quote three occasions: 1. Stepped in the hallway and excused myself to trot to the karzee. Just made it and on my arse touching the seat, an explosion occurred. The noise made was the equivalent of someone emptying a bag of gravel into a paddling pool. The stench was god awful. 2. Made it to the kitchen but then had to hot foot it upstairs as the tortoise was curious. Again, made it just in time and the sound was like a bowl of trifle being emptied onto a wooden floor or a packet of mince being chucked onto a hot car bonnet. Said poo was the consistancy of creamed fudge. As to the smell, quite frankly this appalled even myself. I actually considered setting fire to his towels to divert attention from the whiff which made mustard gas seem like dry ice. 3. Was in his gaff for three minutes when i excused myself. On the pan, i passed a stool of such titanic proportions that as it was leaving my body, i actually went "Aaaahhhhhhhhhhh" out loud. The splashback was the equivalent of what Guy Gibson would have experienced when dropping his bouncer on the Mohne dam. Oddly enough, the smell was of hickory smoked chicken and my thoughts as i flushed this demon away was that when that gets out, it will be a danger to shipping. Does anyone else have this problem when they visit someones house or when they are in a location other than their own home? This is bugging me and my mate has stopped inviting me round.