Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Blackrat, May 7, 2010.

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  1. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Ok. I'm on nights and bar an extremely intimate phone call from a Northern lass who was telling me all sorts of naughty things, i've had fuck all of interest happen. So far i've:

    1. Shouted at a tramp for pissing against the wall
    2. Stuffed my face with crisps
    3. Drunk copious amounts of coffee
    4. Smoked umpteen fags
    5. Wiped an extremely sticky bogey on the earpiece of an unpopular managers phone
    6. Skiffed my 2ic

    Auto erotic asphyxiation aside, any suggestions?
  2. Get blasted and tell your boss what you really think. Find an ex thats let herself go and pretend you want to get back with her. After she MMS's you a picture of her tits, call her and say NAGHHTT! ( borat style...)
  3. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer

    You could play Uncle Matt beast on the sex advise forum.
  4. Are you within driving distance of some children, a 24 hour pharmacist and a railway cutting?
  5. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    And yes

    All i need now is some harry maskers.
  6. Give me 20 minutes. I'll show you how to blow a chav up like a toad, using white lightning, some potassium permanganate and a bit of anti freeze.
  7. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I've got wood just thinking about it. I think i'll go and spaff in the coffee machine.
  8. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer

    Knowing the beast & all that, 3 out of 3.
  9. After working many years on shifts myself ,I can only say.With your command of the English language and written expression.

    Get yourself a day job... one that pays well ..P.Ms minder might suit you.. :roll:
  10. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I was thinking more along the lines of a Pimp. Flexible hours, good pay and ho's on tap. Champion.
  11. Fcuk yes, teach me too.
  12. Give me 25 minutes; I've got to brew up.
  13. If not already a serving police officer,join up and become chief constable,but join the masons first..then you will have it all.. :lol:
  14. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I'm now cleaning my ears out with my oppo's pen. It's great because he always pops it in his mouth. I might hoop it for good measure.
  15. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I'm at home now so consequently, i'm not bored. I am thinking about the chaps stagging on as i type. Why? I domed a few of the coffee mugs. Nothing like a bit of Russian Roulette to liven up a Saturday morning.

  16. That was supposed to be a secret. You will pay for that you pathetic little man, I am gonna dry fuck your arse with an obscene black strap on while you are gagged and choking on your own spaff laden underwear.
  17. Why don't you do something he won't enjoy
  18. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Indeed. If you were going to punish me, you should have put "I am NOT..." before the sentence beginning with anal dry pumping. Honestly. Women.
  19. I haven't even got onto the punishment yet, that was just for my own own pleasure, oh no if i was going to punish you I would make passionate love to you. You know, looking deep into your eyes, whispering sweet nothings in your ear, breathy, lightly moaning, followed by the usual faked orgasm then i would cry and want cuddles.

    Utter torture.
  20. You're fucking rats aren't you?

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