Bob-a-Job ???

#1
Bear Grylls will be the new Chief Scout of the UK Scout Association.
The famous adventurer takes over when current Chief Scout, former
Blue Peter presenter Peter Duncan, completes his five year tenure in July.


Bear Grylls takes over from Peter Duncan? Now this Swap Draft could
prove interesting for all them they woggle-wearing Boy Scouts.

They have all got badges proving that they are now fully proficient in
making models of Thunderbird Island out of Bin-liners, used condoms,
wet cardboard and sticky-back plastic - I wonder if "Chief Bear" is
contemplating introducing a few more badges your kiddies can be
the proud winners of?

The *Brecon Beacons 100 Kilometre Speed March Badge*.

"Right!..........strip down to your Bob the Builder underpants and
jump out of the back of the f***ing lorry.....you've got an hour
to get back to the Scout Hut you miserable showers of sh*t!!....
it's only 99 clicks and the temperature is still a degree or two above
freezing.......!!!"


"But, sir.......I'm only eleven....."

"ELEVEN???!!!.....F***ING E-L-E-V-E-N ?????!!!!! I WAS HANGING
UPSIDE DOWN OUTSIDE THE WINDOWS OF THE IRANIAN EMBASSY
WHEN I WAS ELEVEN BOY.....NOW FU**ING JUMP!!"

(I've already got my Grandkids on the waiting list for Bravo Two Zero
Troop - Plymouth, and this weekend, I'm teaching 'em how to wade
neck deep through a ditch full of rotting animal entrails and excrement,
so that they can get their hands on the "Bear Grylls Beasting Proficiency
Badge - Level 1).

So the next time a little kid, clad all in black, wearing a respirator and
carrying a varied assortment of firearms, knocks on your door..........
you'd better give him a job, otherwise he's liable to take out all your
double glazing with shaped charges.

Click!

 
#4
Fire lighting badge: Rub two cubs together
Map reading badge: How not to get lost in Iraq
Naked roll map badge Taught by willing ex RM staff
 
#6
The Chancellor of the Exechequer Badge - being able to call and get your neighbour's parents to pay for, an Accountant to tot up your pocket money.

The Political Nous Badge - passing the buck

The Get Out of Jail Free Badge - Say sorry for nicking your oppo's pocket money. Offer to pay it back whilst denying you did anything wrong, then blame it on your parents, for not giving you enough pocket money.

The Gordon Brown Badge - For this you will need to be a traditional Presbyterian committed to upholding moral values, especially other peoples'. As a result, whilst telling anyone who will listen that you have a higher moral code than anyone else, you will refuse to allow Ghurkas to settle in Britain whilst allowing Channel Hoppers with no connection to Britain to stay. You will reduce the living standard of the poorest in society by raising their income tax from 10% to the standard rate, and you will make disabled servicemen homeless by paying too little compensation when they are injured in the line-of-duty.
 
#9
The *Raw Scorpion/Live Giant Slug/Handful-of-Leeches/Gibbons Testicles/
Stewed Box Jellyfish/Fruit-eating-bat-shit-on-a-raft Potmess eating badge*

There's tasty for you.
 
#10
The Genius Badge - for making ends meet using your OWN money

The Sex Badge - for making passionate love (NOT) to your Scoutmaster! :evil:
 
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