Blonde Joke

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Nutty, May 26, 2008.

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  1. A blind man wanders into a lesbian biker bar by mistake.
    He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
    After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you
    wanna hear a blonde joke?'
    The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep,
    husky voice, the woman next to him says,
    'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given
    that you are blind, that you should know five things:
    1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
    2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
    3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
    4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional
    5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
    'Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that
    The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,

    'Nah... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
  2. One with a Navy twist to it...

    A beautiful young blonde woman was so depressed over her failed Broadway acting career that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.

    "You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, I’m off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

    With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.

    Three weeks later the captain discovered her during a routine inspection.

    "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

    "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe."

    "I see," the captain says.

    "Plus," she adds, "He’s screwing me."

    "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
  3. Blonde meets an old boy friend carrying a small child, after a short talk about old time she asks "Is the baby mine?" :dwarf:
  4. Why did the blonde get fireds from the M&M factory?

    She kept throwing away the 'W's
  5. Dunno.

    But a bloke heard on a traffic report that there was a car going the wrong way up the M1. He knew his blond girlfriend was on the motorway coming to see him. He phoned her to warn her. She said, "there's not just one. There's bloody loads!"
  6. Blonde bird shouts across a river to another blonde bird,"'Scuse me, how do I get to the other side?"
    "You ARE on the other side", came the reply.
    geoff(ers) :nemo:
  7. If 2 blonds go into a bar, you get a joke. If 3 go in do you get 1.5 jokes?

    Sorry. Not sure where that came from.......
  8. Blonde Essex Girl goes into hairdressers wearing her iPod earphones. She asks for a cut and blow (no not that) dry but she must keep the earphones on at all times.

    Well the hairdresser not wishing to turn away money agrees to this strange request. Well the apprentice managed the wash OK but the stylist, being of the temperamental type got half way thru the cut before she became fed up with the earphones and pulled them off, throwing them to the floor.

    The blonde let out a huge gasp!!!!! and slumped dead in the chair. Whilst staff try to help the Blonde the stylist went to find out what was on the iPod.



    "Breathe in Breathe out, breathe in breathe out, breathe in breathe out etc."
  9. So what does a Blonde use for protection when she has sexual intercourse?

    "A bus shelter"

  10. PMSL , good one Nutty
  11. Why do some women have bruises round the navels?

    Because some men are blond as well.
  12. How do you sink a submarine full of blonde Matelots?

    Knock on the hatch
  13. Booked a appointment for the other half last weekend for a cut and blow. I thought to myself do not say blow job!! Of course six darlings stood staring when I said she wants a cut and blow job :thumright: .

    Who can order a 99 ice cream without saying to the bimbo give me a 69

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