Due to an overwhelming demand (in my own head), i have decided to set up a problem page for all of you that need help. Remember, a problem shared is a problem halved. No problem is too small. AlphaCharlie asked: "Dear Blackrat, Yeah, I've got a few fcuking problems!! Why do I get tourettes when my mrs makes me watch soaps? Why do I keep on swamping? Why do I want to smash chavs in? What are Wednesday's lotto numbers?" Hmm. Tricky. Let me take this in stages. "Why do I get tourettes when my mrs makes me watch soaps?" An obvious one. Soaps are created to assist us to escape from reality, but are based on real life events. However, who in their right mind would move to a shithole like Albert Square or Coronation Street? They are full of rapists, murderers, utter fuckwitts and doom and gloom with only one boozer. You get tourettes because you wish to inflict harm on those responsible for making this shit but as you can't do this, you swear. I advise that when soaps come on in future, start shadow boxing in front of the TV while singing "Eye of the Tiger" out loud. Your misses should get the message. "Why do I keep on swamping?" A usual occurance due to the distance one would have to travel to use the toilet in the wee hours and because of feeling cold. Go to bed with a hot water bottle and piss into that. "Why do I want to smash chavs in?" This is a normal urge. No different from fancying women, wanting to drink beer, or wanting to set fire to houses. This is not a problem and i encourage you to actively hit chavs. It is a little known fact that in law, you cannot be prosecuted for murdering a chav as they hold the same status as cockroaches, rats and members of the RAF. "What are Wednesday's lotto numbers?" Haven't a clue matey as i'm not a fucking psychic.