Bizarre monkey dit

Shakey

War Hero
Dunno if anyone here has heard of 'Popbitch', it's a weekly internet scandal/gossip sheet for music/media/news type people.

Anyway, there was a story on there last year about an un-named RN ship that had left Gib and some of the crew (probably stokers!) had kidnapped one of the monkeys off the rock.

The monkey was then taught to masturbate for cigarettes. To much amusement.

However as the ship neared the end of the deployment, they wondered what was going to happen if they were found with a wanking smoking monkey. No doubt the RSPCA and the like wouldn't see the funny side.

So the monkey was put in his cage and sent for a float test.

Does anyone know if there's any truth in this?
 

clanky

War Hero
Have you got a link Shakey?
The chances of anyone managing to keep a Barbary Macacque captive onboard a ship for any period of time is pretty unlikely. The high incidence of mess members of reporting to sickbay with bites/scratches/lacerations woud set the alarm bells ringing. And why would you need to bribe one to masterbate? As far as I can tell, when the apes are'nt sleeping eating or biting/scratching/lacerating, their main pastime is giving it 6-0 to the five fingered widow anyway.
 

Shakey

War Hero
Have Googled it, it was in Popbitch 11/6/05.

Try entering 'Bonobo-cousin swims with the fishes' into Google.

It does seem a bit far fetched though :roll:
 

Father_Famine

Lantern Swinger
clanky said:
Have you got a link Shakey?
The chances of anyone managing to keep a Barbary Macacque captive onboard a ship for any period of time is pretty unlikely. The high incidence of mess members of reporting to sickbay with bites/scratches/lacerations woud set the alarm bells ringing. And why would you need to bribe one to masterbate? As far as I can tell, when the apes are'nt sleeping eating or biting/scratching/lacerating, their main pastime is giving it 6-0 to the five fingered widow anyway.
I've got to agree with you there clanks, never mind the bitten & lacerated Stokers, what about the noise, they are not exactly quiet on the rock, never mind if they are hidden in a messdeck.

I remember (vaguely :oops: ) an upstairs bar on the Gut and the "landlady" a woman of tremendous proportions had a squirrel monkey as a pet, we tried to persuade that to come back to the ship with us and I would have been better off sticking my head out of the bar and calling all Maltese Coppers and RN Patrol Staff a bunch of F*ckers, coz that was one angry monkey when we tried to pick it up off the bar. :oops:
 

hobbit

War Hero
Shakey said:
Dunno if anyone here has heard of 'Popbitch', it's a weekly internet scandal/gossip sheet for music/media/news type people.

Anyway, there was a story on there last year about an un-named RN ship that had left Gib and some of the crew (probably stokers!) had kidnapped one of the monkeys off the rock.

The monkey was then taught to masturbate for cigarettes. To much amusement.

However as the ship neared the end of the deployment, they wondered what was going to happen if they were found with a wanking smoking monkey. No doubt the RSPCA and the like wouldn't see the funny side.

So the monkey was put in his cage and sent for a float test.

Does anyone know if there's any truth in this?
Not accurate. The monkey was put in the seamens mess and nobody noticed him(all wankers). Completed his pensh and paid off back in Gib. Ended up a chief I understand,
:lol: :lol: :lol:
 
Anyone on Eagle 67 to 69? the ship was full of all sorts of animals,mostly monkeys tho not the gib type,great fun, tot time on weatherdeck ,theyd get pissed on acouple of wets then zero coordination , they were well fed and looked after. On return to guzz all as far as i know went to plymouth zoo.There was acute baby one ,used to give it a biscuit,then snatch it away,it would scream the place down and all other monkeys came down to protect.
 

spurlash

Newbie
I believe the monkey on Ark 63- was in 2u2 mess an belonged to a guy called Reg Carpena and used to get stropy after tot time
 
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