Bestest shags

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by stan_the_man, Apr 13, 2013.

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  1. On our return from the South Atlantic in 82 we took some leave then went on a little shagfest tour of the UK, 1st stop Bristol. Just promoted to the dizzy rank of PO I experienced my first mess social fcuk me 10 years younger than other mess members it was a shagfest, ended up with a twosome sister spunkfest tied to the bed, adrift next day still in rig knob like a fighting dogs ear, joss says Stan your in the shit only because the skipper likes a good dit. Table next day biggest table I've ever attended, spun dit, boss chuffed to fcuk and the ex missus never found out. Went back every night for 3 days I swear it took 2 inches off my knob. Next stop London another social ,trapped went home, woke up when front door opened by hubby coming home from nightshift, running naked round the bedroom with him waving a big fcuk off carving knife jumped out the bedroom window naked and had to dial 999 to get back onboard with nutter chasing me around the town.
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  2. Met a gymnast called Karen on a rig run in Torquay.

    Fuck me she was bendy.

    Did the long distance relationship thing for a bit until she binned me off because I went to the British Grand Prix on a weekend that she'd arranged to come to Pompey.

    My oppo was running a trade stand there and phoned me up at the last minute saying he could blag me in for free.

    Can't turn down an offer like that can you?
  3. No. Watching cars go fast is fucking great.

    Or was yours a dream as well?
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  4. Trapped an American bint out in Charleston South Carolina. After several hours of Happy Hour in our
    paid for (submariners) motel....went back to room and I proceeded to beaver away like a man posessed.
    She shoved me off after a while and said "I'm hungry" and promptly smegged off for 20 minutes or so.
    Came back with a load of burgers, fries and all manner of stuff from the Denny's Diner down the road.
    We had a pig out on the bed and there was only 2 x large Chocolate milkshakes left. She had some sort
    of mental fit and chucked 'em both all over me, her and the bed....(we was stark bollock nude/naked/
    bare-arsed at the time), and we carried on were we had originally left off, culminating in a mind altering
    hump in the bathroom.

    The place looked like it had been invaded by a herd of elephants with the screaming shits the next morning
    but by Christ....did I e-v-e-r have a good time. the way - the window glass in my room was sort of "one way" (i.e. mirrored on the outside - you
    could see out, but not least NOT until it was dark and you left all the fucking lights on, which would
    sort of explain why every other bastard sort of knew what had been going on, because they all had a
    front-row-fucking-seat as they bimbled by)
  5. 33 years with the same woman, one he'll off a shag fest, does that count?
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  6. Her indoors after being away 6 months.
  7. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Your Mum... :mrgreen:
  8. A cadet instructor, we had worked together at my kid brothers unit. She moved down to Minehead with her fella who bined her when she'd got preggers. Phoned me up and luckily I was in Guzz at the time on an RFA, took a visit up to give her a shoulder and pretty much got raped by the horny minx (she was about 7 month gone with a noticeable bump, but fuck me she could still move on top). Literally opened the door to me, give me a beer as I listened and talked with her and about 30min after arriving she was on her back legs wide apart with a bush from a 70's porno!
  9. Sounds classy. Did you meet her on

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  10. You sad granny snatch, even stranger you would have to do her ashes, you are strange:sad3:
  11. Ashes is good: they roll goats' cheese in it out here so why not grannies?
  12. Thats not fair, Billy revealed his sauces.
  13. A man put his winky somewhere naughty once. It was magical.
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  14. Top, middle or bottom?
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  15. Please elaborate..:pounce:
  16. It was the best 40 seconds of my life.

    Sharkey, a lady never tells. Except after a few lambrinis, i'll make a note to my future drunken self to return to the boards to reveal all.
  17. A forty seconder? Impressive..
  19. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Top, middle AND bottom, then... :shock:

    You're not. That's why he asked! :twisted:
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  20. Best i ever had!

    Hey sgtpepperband i am a lady, once i enter the naval service i won't be but for now i remain classy!
    • Like Like x 1

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