best wanker ever

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by stan_the_man, Aug 20, 2010.

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  1. Johnno was an AB (S) on Bristol, got married just before we went down South in 82 spotty and ugly as fcuk but had a knob like a chorizo sausage and he used to crack one off at least 8 times a day especially in Defence Watches, we used to take the piss rotten but were seriously in awe of his enormous kurp, he said he never went down on his missus cos he did'nt like the smell Got back to Pompey after 108 days at sea with a cock like a fighting dogs ear.
  2. Alfred the Great on here, he is a total stroker. Oh see what you mean now :lol: still he is wanker.
  3. The only thing I ever had against hammocks[which I loved] was the fact that whenever someone pulled his python all the hammock bars shook and vibrated.
    When one stopped another started.
    The deck head was covered in strange marks,some from the war I reckon.
    Some of you should be ashamed keeping a young OD from his sleep.
    At least I never had any wandering hands creeping over and I was a good looking bastard,strange that!
    BTW it was an old Battle class destroyer if it was you!
  4. I had 1000 wanks in one wank sock with out washing it during a deployment if that counts. I also beated one off in every WE compartant on a Type 42 during that deployment.
  5. That must have been a bit crusty towards the end. Don't the matelots have rules about self inflicted injuries?
  6. Did get a bit rough towards the end, but it was a record I was going for and I was challenged so had to go for it.
  7. Taking that it was a six month trip that's 180 days (roughly) 1000/180= 5.4 wanks a day you snaggy man. You must have looked like Montgomery Burns by the end!!!
  8. Never start a job if you can't finish it!
  9. Witsy it was a 7 monther Global. Plenty of danger wanks involved especially during WE rounds.
  10. Only time I touched my cock during the marathon was when I had to piss twice. So I did get it out twice :lol:
    • Bullshit Bullshit x 1
  11. SNONI, lived in pre fabs in 4 man cabins with bunk beds. Killick crumb flicker used to crack many off at night - the poor sod above him complained to me of getting sea sick with the violent movement of his pit.

    Was called a wanker by Jim Davidson after turning up late to one of his shows and being sat in the front row. Technically he was right as I was single at the time ...
  12. Unfortunately no marathon cock pics fella
  13. Ok if I share some of the private collection you sent me, from when you were grooming me?
  14. Cracked one off in most compartments on Illustrious 04-07. All magazines, FMR/AMR, Fight Deck, Bridge, to name a few. Also every time I closed up on the GPMG's in the berthing bays. Nearly got caught once by the PO WREN Gunner, I had all clips on the hatch on, she got to last clip and I managed to fire one off. I was just stood there with my back to her with cock out and she asked me if everything was ok then back inside. Got away with that one.
  15. Although this probably doesn't count as I'm not in yet, my girlfriend caught me pulling one off in the shower the other day. Told her if she put out more, I wouldn't have had to do it.
  16. 1979 on Diamond/Hardy HTS as a Part 2 Stoker.

    In the gulch one evening there were two Brummies in their pits, middle pits & opposite each other, with a third Brum stood in between chattin' shit.
    Now this 3rd brum was a boring young cnut, not helped with his drawl and unbeknown to him (and me for that matter) the other two brums started to yank-off. Then, and with impeccable timing, both went on to shower the youngster from the collected donations in their hands.

    Having stepped back and from where I could see, I wouldn't have though such a fecking mess could be made from two Black Country Gents.
  17. When you get in you'll end up being single again so no loss there then.

  18. :(
  19. Don't worry; if you get in as an Officer you'll get issued with a new one.
  20. Haha, let's hope thats true. :lol:

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