Best Walter Mitty Moment

imom1406

War Hero
OK in honour of Pamspace in a thread somewhere else, it is confession time. Time for your stories about the character you ave all portrayed to get some horizontal Mambo!!

My last foriegn trip (Lisbon), i was on HMS Cleopatra, a mate and i were out for the evening and had manged to convince two charming American women that we were harrier pilots. Even showed them on board......they did say that we had a small hanger to which we replied ..."thats because the Harrier is a VTOL aircraft"......Next day, Pilot Officer Imom1406 and his Wing man were piped to the flight deck where the OOD had received a call from our erstwhile admirers....not a good moment for a couple of Killick Pinkies!!

Oh and in our hangar was a stonking grewat big potacabin carrying the towed array sonar gear....we couldn't even fit in a Mini let alone an aircraft!

So come on....share!!!
 

SILVER_FOX

War Hero
Not one I've portrayed but worthy of mention by proxy. Had a guy on Cherry B in the S&S mess who would always blackcat you, no matter what you did. If you ran 100m in 15 seconds, he did it in 13. If you scored twice, he did it three times, two birds? he had four - you get the picture.

At Christmas we did Secret Santa and the Caterer ended up with him (no fix). Dressed up as Eamon Andrews and with big red book he opened with a line like "You thought you were here for Secret Santa but tonight Chef XXX - this is your life. At the age of three you broke the land speed record on foot, beating all comers including a couple of Cheaters ... ".

It got better for us from that point on, worse for him. Never saw a guy just wither in front of me before.

Cruel – very; funny – hilarious.

SF
 

SILVER_FOX

War Hero
Also, a killick Steward and I once pretended to be Astronauts who had been selected for a manned mission to Mars and were just getting a spot of leave in before training began in earnest. This was to cover reasons why we were in Rhodes at the time.

The lady in question [obviously] didn't believe a word of it but played along; truth be known there was a certain amount of alcohol in play here. Good result though, she is now my wife and has managed to put up with me for 16 years.

SF
 
SILVER_FOX said:
Not one I've portrayed but worthy of mention by proxy. Had a guy on Cherry B in the S&S mess who would always blackcat you, no matter what you did. If you ran 100m in 15 seconds, he did it in 13. If you scored twice, he did it three times, two birds? he had four - you get the picture.

At Christmas we did Secret Santa and the Caterer ended up with him (no fix). Dressed up as Eamon Andrews and with big red book he opened with a line like "You thought you were here for Secret Santa but tonight Chef XXX - this is your life. At the age of three you broke the land speed record on foot, beating all comers including a couple of Cheaters ... ".

It got better for us from that point on, worse for him. Never saw a guy just wither in front of me before.

Cruel – very; funny – hilarious.

SF
Which commish ? - I was on the first..
 

imom1406

War Hero
I also played a gynaecologist about to be posted to central Africa by UNICEF, i was in a Gosport nightclub at the time ....on my stag night....conscience overcame me in the end...and i beat a hasty retreat!
 
SILVER_FOX said:
I was on board for two years from late '88. I left about a year before she decommissioned.

SF
I'd been in Saudi working with their Air Force (and ours) for five years then.
:)
 

pamspace1

Lantern Swinger
Aww shucks guys..you are telling your confessions in my honor? I am anxious to hear more of the stories you made up to get women like me to believe you. LOL

Hey I'm doing better today..it's going to take time to get past this, but you all are helping me a lot and I am so glad that I found this website. :)
 

imom1406

War Hero
pamspace1 said:
Aww shucks guys..you are telling your confessions in my honor? I am anxious to hear more of the stories you made up to get women like me to believe you. LOL

Hey I'm doing better today..it's going to take time to get past this, but you all are helping me a lot and I am so glad that I found this website. :)
Most Matelot's bedding stories are so transparent, they are just plain funny or ridiculous (test pilot for Durex etc.) and not geared toward developing a serious deep relationship.....more to help get one's leg over after a fair old time at sea........seatime does odd things to a sailor...trust me....!


Your "friend" seems a purely unfunny and nasty piece of work!..
 

SILVER_FOX

War Hero
IMOM wrote: Most Matelot's bedding stories are so transparent, they are just plain funny or ridiculous (test pilot for Durex etc.) and not geared toward developing a serious deep relationship.....more to help get one's leg over after a fair old time at sea........seatime does odd things to a sailor...trust me....!

The key to the legend that is "Matlot" is not to explain it to potential targets.

Test Pilot - Hmmm, haven't used that one ... yet.

SF
 
I had a bandaged hand (can't remember why now) whilst on a run ashore in Cyprus on the way back from the 91 Gulf war. Told a couple of bits of fanny that it was burns as me and the lads were part od Red Adair's (remember him?) firefighting team in Kuwait. It was working well until some older expats came in and the girls briefed them about it and they insisted on getting the beers in for us heroic types. We beat a hasty retreat cos we felt so guilty.
 

brigham600

War Hero
A mate and myself used to be 'biscuit designers' for Huntley and Palmer when on a run ashore in Guzz. Sometimes worked, but often failed. Good fun though getting the women to think of new designs and shapes.
 

jewishscotsman

Midshipman
Whilst serving with the boys in Abroath, me an some of the boys went into Dundee, having a good run, pulled some tottie by telling them we were in the area to help run the security for Old Queenie Bess(Hope she dont mind) Worked a treat till one of the totts, said he bro was on the local cop shop team, Ah well, we got our ends wet, but aint doing that one a gain,

A better one is telling them that you have been celibate for 4yrs whilst being the Vicar to the forces(sorry God), works most of the time.
 
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