Best things "Stolen/Borrowed" whilst drunk

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by 5dits, Dec 22, 2008.

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  1. linky

    "borrowed" from Arrse, but the report is quality.

    I remember waking up to a flashing Italian Police station sign on the Glasgow.

    Happy Christmas
  2. Whilst I hate to let the truth get in the way of a good dit, the job title Corro has not been used for years. Do they still have them on MWVs?
  3. A stuffed Osprey from the wardroom entrance at Portland.
    I came to in my pit with it glaring at me.
    Taking it back was the hard bit.!!
  4. my oppo woke me from my cabin by banging on the window one sunday morning. i'd made it back to RM Condor, he'd been hanging out the back of a gronk the night before, and he'd managed to 'liberate' a full size upright dyson hoover!! worked a treat on the grot's carpet!!!
  5. My oppos girlfriend!
  6. the large stainless steel Rolls Royce RR sign from thier engine factory boardroom. they were even good enuff to have it delivered back to VL in the back of the cockpit simulator we lent them for a jolly.

    no more details as sold it on ebay for quite a bit. felt really guilty about a two weeks later when a load of freebies (polo shirt, umbrellas etc etc )arrived thru post to say thanks - soon got over the guilty bit
  7. A rather nice collection of bedroom furniture,
    beds and such like liberated from The SAS
    Hotel, Haakonsvern, Norway. Stowed down
    the boat and transported back to Blighty,
    after a visit to the Norwegian Naval Base.
    All v-e-r-y nice wooden furniture mind you,
    way back before IKEA became the place to
    (legally) purchase the same sort of stuff.

    The keys to the Sea Slug magazine on
    HMS *********, sometime long, long
    ago when I was in Chatham. Got a f***ing
    hard time for that I did.

    I'm sorry. Feel all better now its off me chest.
  8. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    RSM's pace stick and the VP's gavel from Sheffield TA unit when I was on said ship.
  9. TROUBRIDGE refit in Malta 1964 - (POLYCELL will remember this): Tom Garrod came offshore one night with THE ugliest Maltese dog in Christianity. Christened it Dolly, and Jack being a natural animal lover, we all made a fuss of it, and it loved it.
    It was obviously house trained - it started scratching at the mess door, so we let it out to allow nature take it's course. Unfortunately, the mess was adjacent to the Quarterdeck of ST ANGELO, and as the cry of "Eight o'clock, sir" - "Make it so" rang out. this mutt parks its arse in front of the Marine Band ready to play the National Anthem, and proceeds to take an enormous Dump. Let's just say the Band was not at it's best that day (difficult to play an instrument when you're having a fit of the giggles), and the word was passed down the line "Who's dog is that ?" from an irate Commander to the LEP Bosun's Mate (who was also in fits).
    Once Dolly had finished her business, she hopped up the stairs to the mess to rejoin her new found oppos, making it obvious to the posse of hastily assembled Crushers in hot pursuit who she belonged to. In the end, the Mutt ended up in the married patch some where, and the rest of us were seriously scrutinised when we came off shore to prevent a repeat performance. But just the one off was worth it..
  10. In Tromso, Norway, woke up to half a pub (and I do mean half a pub) in the mess square. Me and a fews others, had raided the upstairs part of an irish pub, got a 7 pint wooden holder, god knows how many glasses, beer towels, a beer tap, signs that were stuck up in the pub and a few bottles of whisky.

    I still can not remb much of that night, apart from standing on the stairs singing 'sunshine mountain'.

    Mind you, it all looked good behind the mess sq's bar!
  11. A shetland pony, duly cajoled and whipped up the gangplank on HMS Shetland whilst in Lerwick - seemed all very poetic at the time. Piece of pi55 to get up the gangway when the tide was out - impossible for the duty watch (also the culprits) to get back down again a few hours later though!!!
  12. NTG2K in Valdivostok HMS Cornwall & HMS Newcastle berthed. Some crew from both ships invited (I was on who went) to the US Marine Corp Detachment for drinks. Well the next day all those invited were mustered on the flight deck of the Mighty Ice Cream.

    The two Joss' and XO's appeared and asked us " Right who nicked the Marine Corp Flag and Pole". The pole was found broken and ditched. The flag was never found.

    lol That's the short version. There is more to it like US Embassordess refusing to come to Captains Dinner because of it. The US Marines got sent home in disgrace and replaced etc etc Marines hating us when we got to Hawaii lol
  13. All in Dartmouth... Christmas of 1991 (HMS Guernsey)

    A Christmas tree from out side a shop(with fairy lights attatched).
    Then the next night the sign 'merry Christmas to the thief's who stole our tree' from the same shop :angel12:

    Also we pinched that many decorations from a pub (or attempted to) the landlady came over with a handful of unused ones saying ‘we could have them if we left the ones hanging up alone’.

    The light bulbs off the big Christmas tree in the square (they were all bonny colours and bloody hot).

    Well we did not have chance to buy our decorations as we were at sea!!!
  14. Second-hand dit, but factual nevertheless.

    Faslane Nineteen Hundred and I don't remember.
    HMS ABDIEL had been visiting and, as you do when
    the visit is go to Harbour Stations and
    f**k off down the Gareloch.

    So they duly f***ed off down the Gareloch with a
    posse of Wrens onboard who had been partying
    hard the previous night....this was, of course, many
    DECADES before Navy girlies actually went to sea.

    All these "ladettes" (from inboard Neptune/Commcen
    Faslane etc), were discovered, secreted in various
    bunks/sleeping bags and hidey holes around the skimmer
    as she negotiated Rhu Narrows I believe.

    Mister Abdiel had to turn around a bit sharpish on exiting
    the narrows and bring 'em all back.

    Watched the Skipper/1st Lieutenant promising the Ships
    Company 13 different painful deaths on the focsle when
    she got back in........and a load of sheepish lookin' females
    being herded down the gangway where a large blue wagon
    awaited, along with a couple of giggling regulators.

    So that's it - HMS ABDIEL....almost responsible for the RN's
    only recorded incident of attempted white slavery.

  15. Whilst on Zulu in San Juan, Puerto Rico, three of us stole the Yankee snowdrops patrol jeep from outside a bar whilst they were indoors said establishment sorting out a punch-up. Got us back to the docks alright and with the help from some equally pissed Merchant Navy lads off a nearby Harrison Line cargo ship loaded the jeep into the tweendecks of No 1 hatch on their own ship. Bet there were some red faces the next morning when the local dockers turned up for work and someone had to explain that one to the Yankee plods LOL.

    Red Sailor
  16. Couple of PO tiffs on the Nottingham at Portland during BOST in 82, tried to get through the dockyard gate with a gravestone,.... said they found it in the road :biggrin:
  17. Not sure if they still do use the title in the Fish Patrol world but they did on board the OPV's when I was in until I left in 2003 after that I don't know.
  18. I was going to tell you about the time I 'borrowed' a RAF pedal cycle in Gib and was chased by an ambulance containing Gib coppers(eventually caught me) but 'Redsailor's' story beats mine (unless you want the whole story which was eventually made into a film starring Leonardo Di Capri and Kate Winslett. They did alter it bit and our ship eventually sank.)
  19. 1992,NAS Cecil Fields, Florida. Part of the squadron,801, had detached there for a short while. One day we "borrowed" one of the yank flightline aircraft tugs. There must have been about 8-10 of us clinging to this thing,designed for only two!! There we were,thrashing it about the flightline, much to the amusement of no-one but ourselves. that was until the thing caught fire.The driver had left the handbrake on. Upon discovering we were "going down in flames", we duly parked up(more like, abandoned) said vehicle in the middle of the nearest hangar and disappeared pronto. No, i don't know why we dumped it in a hangar...

    On another occasion, same squadron, can't remember where but myself and another guy came back late one night to find a mess oppo flaked out in the mess. This guy had no teeth, only dentures. So, for a giggle, we borrowed them.Don't ask why...Until we broke them. Not wanting to get caught,as this guy was a bit handy with his fists,and came from the hard part of Glasgow we put him and his teeth to bed.
    It was interesting to hear him the next morning when he got up,saying he couldn't understand how his teeth had come out and were broken,too!! Funny as Fook watching him trying to talk for a while afterwards,as he only had the one set with him.
  20. Christmas circa 1970 in Singers - 3 P and O boats (including mine)alongside depot ship HMS Forth, with a skimmer frigate alongside on the opposite side of Forth.
    We decided that the trot sentry needed some form of seating to make his hours of duty more comfortable, so instigated a raid on said skimmer's bridge, unbolted the skipper's chair, and brought it onboard the inboard boat, placing it just in front of the fin. Just to confuse the issue, the boat's nameboards were swapped around (alcohol is a great planning tool!)
    Seemed a good idea at the time, and the trot sentry was grateful - not so the bunrun on the skimmer! Total sense of humour failure, and their quarterdeck party got a right bollocking for being totally unaware of our raid.

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