best one liners

[wet_blobby]

Watching "life on Mars" always has me in stitches over the lines that DCI Gene Hunt comes out with, last nights classic line when questioned how throughly he'd investigated a case was "I've come at this from more angles than Linda Lovelace"....Classic, anyone know any more class one liners?

 

[greenking]

If you get any harder you'll set.

 

[Passed-over_Loggie]

Does the description; "as much use as tits on a nun" fall into this category?

 

[spider_monkey]

“If I were your wife I would poison your coffee,â€
“If I were your husband, madam, I would drink it.â€
Winston Churchill

 

[Always_a_Civvy]

You're as much use as a chocolate fanny!

 

[carlm]

“When I've got nothing better to do, I look down the league table to see how Everton are getting along.†:mrgreen:

“This city has two great teams - Liverpool and Liverpool reserves.â€


“If you're not sure what to do with the ball, just pop it in the net and we'll discuss your options afterwards.â€


“Above all, I would like to be remembered as a man who was selfless, who strove and worried so that others could share the glory, and who built up a family of people who could hold their heads up high and say, 'We're Liverpool'.â€


“If Everton were playing down the bottom of my garden, I'd draw the curtains.â€


Bill Shankly what a legend

 

[ianthesmudger]

"That's a small c**k Jack! Who do you think you are going to satisfy with that then?"

"Err, me actually..."

 

[greenking]

GI to oik on parade: "There's a cnut on the end of this stick"

oik: "Not this end PO"

GK

 

[Passed-over_Loggie]

Always_a_Civvy

Actually, that would make an interesting change to the usual flavour!

 

[stirling2]

..'as much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking contest'

 

[Shakey]

Grab yer jacket luv - I've pulled!

 

[kingoftwigs]

'You sir, are drunk'
'And you madam are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober'
Winston Churchill

 

[dhobyitch]

Since i've stopped drinking the wife's stopped pissing the bed

 

[josiecats]

dont have a dog an bark your self.

 

[UncleAlbert]

He`s as nutty as squirrel shit.

 

[HarryBosch]

1. Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface


2. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

 

[trehorn2]

Marks out of two? I'd give her one!

How dare you! I resemble that remark!

 

[Adolf_Victualler]

The Buck only accelerates here!

 

[HarryBosch]

3. All generalisations are false, including this one.

4. Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Finally, and most apposite:

5. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

:grin:

 

[slim]

Said to a mate of mine by a dolly bird.
Don't you think that one arsehole in my knickers is enough!