Best excuse at the table when being run?

Sea_Dodger

Lantern Swinger
Not my dit but recounted from an old ship mate, and probably well known!

4 lads were adrift whilst out on the lash in Singers and all go to the jimmy's table. The Jimmy was well known to be lenient if the excuse was good enough.

First up-

Jimmy-"Why were you adrift"?

AB 1-"Well sir, whilst in Singapore I wanted to experience a ride in a rickshaw. Everything was going well until half way back to the ship the horse died and I had to walk the rest of the way".

Jimmy-"Two days pay, about turn......etc

Second up.

Jimmy-"Why were you adrift"?

AB 2"Well sir, whilst in Singapore I wanted to experience a ride in a rickshaw. Everything was going well until half way back to the ship the horse died and I had to walk the rest of the way".

Jimmy-" Yeah heard that excuse 3 days pay, about turn ....etc

Third up.

Jimmy-"Why were you adrift"?

AB 3"-Well Sir, whilst in Singapore I wanted to experience a ride in a rickshaw. Everything was going well until half way back to the ship the horse died and I had to walk the rest of the way".

Jimmy- "Don't take the piss, 4 days pay, about turn...etc

Fourth lad marches in.

Jimmy-Why were you adrift and don't tell me your bloody horse died on the way back in the rickshaw".

AB 4-"No sir, I got a taxi back but I couldn't get through the road for all the dead horses"!
 

PompeySailor

Lantern Swinger
OK. how does this go. My CPO (now outside) had a little drink problem. Ashore in Gib, he was bladdered, and was being hassled by the squad of corrupt incomepetence that is the Gib Police. Anyway, I went over, took him by the arm and walked him away. For some unknown reason, we both then turned round and gave it the "come on then, monkey boy".....we took some with us, but not all of them. Got taken to the cells (outside and concrete) and then got returned onboard the next morning. The crucial part was that the ship sailed..... We went to the table, charged with D&D, Affray, etc. Pleaded not guilty. If you are charged with an offence that relates to Gib, you can be returned to their judicial system (which is corrupt - did I mention that?). So, we changed our plea to guilty based on the fear of not getting a fair trial, having to pay for our own defence and witnesses. The Jimmy refused to accept our plea of guilt, based as it was on a fear of misjustice, and got on to the Fleet Legal Team. The charges were revised to "foul and abusive language", which we both pleaded guilty to, and got off with a day's pay each! The letter that was sent to the Gib police was not received very well.....most of the monkey boys thought they were going to be up for compensation!

The MEM that was pushed through a window by a copper returned to Gib where he found himself charged with aggravated burglary and attempted theft of controlled drugs!

We should give the stinking crap hole back to Spain.
 

Geoff_Wessex

Lantern Swinger
May be apocryphal, but I heard this one while on SM training at Dolphin in 1971.....

"Why were you adrift?"

"Well, sir, I was just walking down the road into Gosport when a milk cart came hurtling towards me. The horse had got upset with something and galloped off down the high street with milk going all over the shop. I gave chase and climbed on said horse and hung on for 10 minutes until it had calmed down, but it had been going in the wrong direction and it added half an hour to my journey."

"Hmm - don't believe a word of it, but I haven't heard that one before. Case Dismissed"
 

Old_Hand

Lantern Swinger
I was on the old Albion in 1971-73 when I met a PO(AH) called John 'Physco' Deacon. He was at Commanders table for an offence that now escapes me. Things were not going to well for him at the time and he started to look under the table. The commander said, 'PO Deacon, what are you looking under the table for'. He replied, 'Justice sir, because theres none coming over the top'. Needless to say he paid for the comment with quite a chunk of pay.
 

Old_Hand

Lantern Swinger
I was on the old Albion in 1971-73 when I met a PO(AH) called John 'Physco' Deacon. He was at Commanders table for an offence that now escapes me. Things were not going to well for him at the time and he started to look under the table. The commander said, 'PO Deacon, what are you looking under the table for'. He replied, 'Justice sir, because theres none coming over the top'. Needless to say he paid for the comment with quite a chunk of pay.
 

sidon55

Lantern Swinger
Sea_Dodger said:
Not my dit but recounted from an old ship mate, and probably well known!

4 lads were adrift whilst out on the lash in Singers and all go to the jimmy's table. The Jimmy was well known to be lenient if the excuse was good enough.

First up-

Jimmy-"Why were you adrift"?

AB 1-"Well sir, whilst in Singapore I wanted to experience a ride in a rickshaw. Everything was going well until half way back to the ship the horse died and I had to walk the rest of the way".

Jimmy-"Two days pay, about turn......etc

Second up.

Jimmy-"Why were you adrift"?

AB 2"Well sir, whilst in Singapore I wanted to experience a ride in a rickshaw. Everything was going well until half way back to the ship the horse died and I had to walk the rest of the way".

Jimmy-" Yeah heard that excuse 3 days pay, about turn ....etc

Third up.

Jimmy-"Why were you adrift"?

AB 3"-Well Sir, whilst in Singapore I wanted to experience a ride in a rickshaw. Everything was going well until half way back to the ship the horse died and I had to walk the rest of the way".

Jimmy- "Don't take the piss, 4 days pay, about turn...etc

Fourth lad marches in.

Jimmy-Why were you adrift and don't tell me your bloody horse died on the way back in the rickshaw".

AB 4-"No sir, I got a taxi back but I couldn't get through the road for all the dead horses"!

First heard this in the 50's and it rhen referred to the gharries in Malta and Crucifix Hill. Still a good laugh
 

UncleAlbert

War Hero
On a wall in Chatham barracks (I think it was outside the reg office) there was written every excuse ever given for being adrift, with a heading,

The only way you’ll get off with it is if it’s not on here.

The best one?
Perhaps the stoker who had all night in and on looking out of the window saw a clock outside saying 6 o`clock so he turned over.
On waking later the clock turned out to be, er, a petrol pump.
 

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
Mid '60's boat alongside in Middlesborough, a crowd of us found lodgings in a theatrical digs house, all share one room, half a crown the room and another half crown for breakfast. I think at times there were a dozen or more sharing the room.
Last morning there, six of us awoke from a drunken slumber, having been involved in a lock in at one of the clubs until around 0400. Looked at the clock, already late, got around to the nearest bus stop and stood hopefully in the queue. Then the local Newsagent opposite put out a sign with the magic words on "Bus crews go on strike, Buses frozen." Just then our Landlord pulls up, He'd heard the news and gave us a lift back to the boat.
Instant justice in those days with almost no delay, junior man first, He gave a faultless performance, word perfect he was about how long we had been at the bus stop in freezing cold waiting for the Bus that didn't come.
Case dismissed, and so it went, all word perfect then it was my turn, once more, case dismissed, I started to walk forward, LRO, said the Skipper, a good story, didn't believe a word of it, make sure the rest of them get the message it won't work again
 

hobbit

War Hero
Rather interested in the horse drawn rickshaw in Singas. Spent a bitta time there meself and cant recall seeing a horse let alone a nag pulling a rickshaw. No rickshaws either come to that it was the old peddle powered job from what I remember, trishaw was it?
Musta been Malta with the horse and buggy we called a Garry I believe. The actual name for the horse and cart is Karrozzin which I suppose could easily lead to Garry. Some odd names in Malta, the hand propelled boat is named Dghajsa.Jack called it diso or summat. Big tourist attraction the Garry and Diso now jack ain't there :lol:
 

Sea_Dodger

Lantern Swinger
hobbit said:
Rather interested in the horse drawn rickshaw in Singas. Spent a bitta time there meself and cant recall seeing a horse let alone a nag pulling a rickshaw. No rickshaws either come to that it was the old peddle powered job from what I remember, trishaw was it?
Musta been Malta with the horse and buggy we called a Garry I believe. The actual name for the horse and cart is Karrozzin which I suppose could easily lead to Garry. Some odd names in Malta, the hand propelled boat is named Dghajsa.Jack called it diso or summat. Big tourist attraction the Garry and Diso now jack ain't there :lol:

Concur with no rickshaws in Singas. However, like I said wasn't my dit and anyway when did the truth ever get in the way of a good dit?!
 

Nigaramus

Lantern Swinger
Not so much as an excuse, but a dit from the table.

The coxswain of a boat ( known as"Shelagh Sh*****ks) takes a guy to the table.

The Jimmy says "Who brings these allegations?"

The Coxswain replys "I am the Alligator, sir"
 
D

Deleted 7

Guest
Gen dit;

Fell over the side of the ship, mind you it was rough weather!

However, I did get run for being 'adrift', thought it was a joke at first but nope :roll:

My excuse was ' Sir, I slipped on a heaving line'.

Not the best but I learnt my lesson :oops:
 

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