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Be a Lorry Driver? You must be joking!

taffscrivs

War Hero
If you think that service life is hard, being away from your family for long periods, starting work at short notice and at inconvenient times and generally crapped upon by all and sundry, you ain't seen nothing yet! Try a new career as a truck driver in good old Blighty! First bit, pay a bloody King's Ransome for all the training to learn to drive an overgrown pick-up truck, no shiny new Swedish ERF (sorry, I meant Scania!) Artic right from day one, you have gain experience in a rigid vehicle first.You will hit your first hurdle,no experience no job. Next move, sign on with a Driver Agency who may or may not throw you a few morsels now and again. In time,after driving some right crappy old motors, you might impress a haulier and you are offered a full time job, success! WRONG! Bottom of the heap again, oldest dog in the yard becomes your pride and joy and you're rewarded with all the shite loads to 'see if you're made of the right stuff'. In time you climb the ladder, you now know your way about, Learn which rat infested lay by's are the best to park up in on a night away, which forklift drivers are right ********* and which weighbridge operator is the most miserable. The urge to drive Artics becomes irresistable. So you take further training at more great expense, pass the test and are now the holder of the fabled Class One licence. You've made it! Wrong again! Back to the bottom of the pile, crap old motors again until you're experienced, same shit different day, bigger loads more hassle. Looked down upon by other road users, musn't park in our town, but don't dare be late with your delivery in the morning, driver, or some poxy jumped up traffic clerk will crap on you from a great height, your boss will give you a huge bollocking and you will think that your world has turned to shit. (which it has.) It's the only job I know of where you will be fined (by the courts) for working overtime or taking insufficient breaks and you may become overweight, diabetic or suffer a heart attack as a reward for your efforts. You might strike it lucky as I did and drop on a brilliant job driving on the Continent for a really good firm, but you've probably got more chance of winning the Lottery. Eventually through no fault of your own a contract is lost and your dream job is gone and it's back to being a second class citizen in the U.K. again. By this time you're too old to get out and retrain and that's you sorted until you retire. Sorry to disillusion any prospective 'King of the Road', but I've just told it how it is. Bitter? Me? Dammned right I am, 36 years in the job and counting, I wish I'd followed my first instinct and become a Fireman!
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
On the bright side, you can hold up traffic for miles, bring town centres to a standstill when you park up on the main drag and flounce around in your hi-viz jacket or overtake another lorry on a dual carriage way when you are travelling 1.5 miles an hour faster than the one your overtaking causing 5 mile tailbacks :)
 

taffscrivs

War Hero
I have to agree WreckerL there are some good bits, known in the trade as 'revenge'.It's to compensate for all the other shit that goes with the job. As for Ron's comment,..... how right you are!
 

jesse

War Hero
If you think that service life is hard, being away from your family for long periods, starting work at short notice and at inconvenient times and generally crapped upon by all and sundry, you ain't seen nothing yet! Try a new career as a truck driver in good old Blighty! First bit, pay a bloody King's Ransome for all the training to learn to drive an overgrown pick-up truck, no shiny new Swedish ERF (sorry, I meant Scania!) Artic right from day one, you have gain experience in a rigid vehicle first.You will hit your first hurdle,no experience no job. Next move, sign on with a Driver Agency who may or may not throw you a few morsels now and again. In time,after driving some right crappy old motors, you might impress a haulier and you are offered a full time job, success! WRONG! Bottom of the heap again, oldest dog in the yard becomes your pride and joy and you're rewarded with all the shite loads to 'see if you're made of the right stuff'. In time you climb the ladder, you now know your way about, Learn which rat infested lay by's are the best to park up in on a night away, which forklift drivers are right ********* and which weighbridge operator is the most miserable. The urge to drive Artics becomes irresistable. So you take further training at more great expense, pass the test and are now the holder of the fabled Class One licence. You've made it! Wrong again! Back to the bottom of the pile, crap old motors again until you're experienced, same shit different day, bigger loads more hassle. Looked down upon by other road users, musn't park in our town, but don't dare be late with your delivery in the morning, driver, or some poxy jumped up traffic clerk will crap on you from a great height, your boss will give you a huge bollocking and you will think that your world has turned to shit. (which it has.) It's the only job I know of where you will be fined (by the courts) for working overtime or taking insufficient breaks and you may become overweight, diabetic or suffer a heart attack as a reward for your efforts. You might strike it lucky as I did and drop on a brilliant job driving on the Continent for a really good firm, but you've probably got more chance of winning the Lottery. Eventually through no fault of your own a contract is lost and your dream job is gone and it's back to being a second class citizen in the U.K. again. By this time you're too old to get out and retrain and that's you sorted until you retire. Sorry to disillusion any prospective 'King of the Road', but I've just told it how it is. Bitter? Me? Dammned right I am, 36 years in the job and counting, I wish I'd followed my first instinct and become a Fireman!
:scratch:Been there done that. Used to hitch hike home on Friday whiles and thought what a great life it would be to be a trucker. yeah right!I worked for British Road Services at Hereford depot, Gloucester, Stafford and Wolverhampton did the lot through feeder,shunter, tramper,and reached the peak of , pause for fanfare, night trunker. Four wheel ridged,Chinese six's eight wheelers and forty foot artic trailers done the lot. Had a road to Damascus moment in Keel service ares at four am when I saw a worn out old trucker half asleep trying to roll a fag with grease stained fingers. The voice said Jesse pull the bastard out or that's going to be you:eek:mg: I applied to the Police and Prison service The prison answered first and the rest is history.:hello2: I look back in anger of every jumped up little parasite traffic clerk and if I knew where the management and traffic clerks of Hereford depot, early 1960s, are buried [they must have passed on by now and I hope it was in agony]I'd piss on their graves. in fact one day I might do just that. Don't go **** all on this forgive and forget bollocks.:-x
 

taffscrivs

War Hero
Jesse, I'll bet me and you have suffered at the hands of the same evil bastards in the past. Hereford boy meself only a bit later than you perhaps, left the mob in '77 drove for among others, ARS (Alan Stedman) based in Burcott road, and then went to Oakleys, tramping for 8 years.
 

MG Maniac

War Hero
Now I did go on a Class 1 HGV course as part of resettlement. Tipped up at some place in Essex and drove a flat bed artic around Chelsmford for days on end before going for a Class 1 licence test. Ended up with a Class 1 licence with a Hazchem certificate. That was nearly 20 yrs ago ... have I driven an Articulated beast since ... NO! The Hazchem Cert expired after 5 yrs and as I couldn't be arsed to apply for a new HGV licence that went as well. That being said I now have a very healthy respect for anyone driving the things and a good understanding of what they are doing and when to give them a lot of room! It also means I know when said trucker is being a right tit!

Has anyone noticed that little sign that used to be on the back of trucks "How my driving??? If I am being a right tit please phone........" has disappeared?
 

taffscrivs

War Hero
Spent some time playing on logging trucks, for the well known sawmills fleet in South Herefordshire.Taking pretty pictures at the bottom of the woods is ok, but driving to the top of the wood to load and then coming back down again is where you get the big adrenaline rush, especially in the snow!
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
...and THIS would put the shit in your hair.


 

Rumrat

War Hero
Now I did go on a Class 1 HGV course as part of resettlement. Tipped up at some place in Essex and drove a flat bed artic around Chelsmford for days on end before going for a Class 1 licence test. Ended up with a Class 1 licence with a Hazchem certificate. That was nearly 20 yrs ago ... have I driven an Articulated beast since ... NO! The Hazchem Cert expired after 5 yrs and as I couldn't be arsed to apply for a new HGV licence that went as well. That being said I now have a very healthy respect for anyone driving the things and a good understanding of what they are doing and when to give them a lot of room! It also means I know when said trucker is being a right tit!

Has anyone noticed that little sign that used to be on the back of trucks "How my driving??? If I am being a right tit please phone........" has disappeared?

You don't loose your HGV. All you need is a medical, and you have it back.
I did not use mine then retook medical and bobs your uncle.
What pisses me off is that I have to have two medicals to keep my PCV entitelment, friggin rip off.
 
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