Bad England

Jimmy_Green

War Hero
And of course...

I halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plane lee marques four my revue
Miss steaks aye ken knot sea

Eye ran this poem threw it
Your sure reel glad two no
It's vary polished in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew

A chequer is a bless sing
It freeze yew lodes of thyme
It helps me awl stiles two reed
And aides mi when aye rime

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud
And wee mussed dew the best wee can
Sew flaws are knot aloud

And now bee cause my spelling
is checked with such grate flare
Their are know faults with in my cite
Of nun eye am a wear

Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed to be a joule
The chequer poured o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule

That's why aye brake in two averse
My righting wants too pleas
Sow now ewe sea wye aye dew prays
Such soft wear for pea seas
 

slim

War Hero
Joe_Crow said:
AfterSSE said:
RDIAENG.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. ceehiro.


http://www.languagehat.com/archives/000840.php

Can be read, so even if spelling sucks and grammar is bad, as long as the person doing the reading is intelligent enough, you should be able to make it out.. :dwarf:

Whilst this is amusing, it is not the whole story. Homophones are often wrongly used by some, and the accompanying lack of punctuation helps to make some sentences unintelligible without careful study. The reel problem hear is that awl these our spelt write sew wont bee scene too be wrong buy spell chequers butt will course confusion too awl who reed accept four the patient.

Well now you really have pissed me off. I know that the Homo's have their own flag and parade, but really Homophones, whats wrong with the ones we straight people use?
 

AfterSSE

War Hero
Joe_Crow said:
AfterSSE said:
RDIAENG.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. ceehiro.


http://www.languagehat.com/archives/000840.php

Can be read, so even if spelling sucks and grammar is bad, as long as the person doing the reading is intelligent enough, you should be able to make it out.. :dwarf:

Whilst this is amusing, it is not the whole story. Homophones are often wrongly used by some, and the accompanying lack of punctuation helps to make some sentences unintelligible without careful study. The reel problem hear is that awl these our spelt write sew wont bee scene too be wrong buy spell chequers butt will course confusion too awl who reed accept four the patient.

Wrong, these are not Homophones, did you read between the lines? These are the actual words, only the first letter and the last letter are in the correct spot, so you can muddle the letters in between and still be able to make sense of the word... :thumright:
 

Joe_Crow

War Hero
AfterSSE said:
Joe_Crow said:
AfterSSE said:
RDIAENG.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. ceehiro.


http://www.languagehat.com/archives/000840.php

Can be read, so even if spelling sucks and grammar is bad, as long as the person doing the reading is intelligent enough, you should be able to make it out.. :dwarf:

Whilst this is amusing, it is not the whole story. Homophones are often wrongly used by some, and the accompanying lack of punctuation helps to make some sentences unintelligible without careful study. The reel problem hear is that awl these our spelt write sew wont bee scene too be wrong buy spell chequers butt will course confusion too awl who reed accept four the patient.

Wrong, these are not Homophones, did you read between the lines? These are the actual words, only the first letter and the last letter are in the correct spot, so you can muddle the letters in between and still be able to make sense of the word... :thumright:

Sorry if I was not clear. I was not insinuating that what you wrote were homophones. I had no difficulty reading what you had written purely because it is how you describe. I was adding that misspelling is not the only problem, and that a correctly spelt though wrongly used homophone can be a source of confusion, and that it is the incorrect use of the language, and not the spelling, per se, that is the bigger problem.

By the way, loved the poem, Jimmy.
 

Jimmy_Green

War Hero
Joe_Crow said:
By the way, loved the poem, Jimmy.

I claim no credit for it, it is well known. There is also another one that shows the idiosyncrasies of the English language which I've been trying to find but have so far been unsuccessful.
 

fly_past

Lantern Swinger
Spelling is very poor these days. I use a mobile, never using text talk in the way of "LO M8. How RU?". I use proper words and numbers as necessary. I have a lot of self worth to be able to use what I learnt in school/home/college and do not like to cheapen it so much.

Obviously though people who have real problems are a different matter. they have as much right to be heard. As long as they can put across their point then so be it.

I do, however, like to attempt to get it correct. Spelling does let me down occasionally as does hitting the wrong keys on the keyboard.
 

FlagWagger

GCM
Book Reviewer
Jimmy_Green said:
Joe_Crow said:
By the way, loved the poem, Jimmy.

I claim no credit for it, it is well known. There is also another one that shows the idiosyncrasies of the English language which I've been trying to find but have so far been unsuccessful.

How about the alternative spelling of "FISH", i.e. GHOTI - GH as in enough, O as in women, and TI as in nation.

A quick Google also reveals the following poems:




When the English tongue we speak,
Why is "break" not rhymed with "freak"?
Will you tell me why it's true,
We say "sew" but likewise "few",
And the fashioner of verse
Cannot cap his "horse" with "worse"?
"Beard" sounds not the same as "heard",
"Cord" is different from "word";
"Cow" is cow but "low" is low,
"Shoe" is never rhymed with "foe";
Think of "hose" and "dose" and "lose",
And of "goose" and also "choose";
Think of "tomb" and "bomb" and "comb",
"Doll" and "roll" and "some" and "home",
And since "pay" is rhymed with "say",
Why not "paid" and "said" I pray?
We have "blood" and "food" and "good",
"Mould" is not pronounced like "could";
Wherefore "done" but "gone" and "lone"?
Is there any reason known?
No in short, it seems to me
Sound and letters disagree.

from: Practical Rules for Pronounciation, arranged by C. Heyman, Teacher of English in the Haarlem H.B.S. Third Edition; probably around 1910 (slightly adapted)




I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you
On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through?
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps?

Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird,

And dead: it's said like bed, not bead--
For goodness' sake, don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat,
(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.)

A moth is not a moth in mother
Nor both in bother, broth in brother,
And here is not a match for there,
And dear and fear for bear and pear,

And then there's dose and rose and lose--
Just look them up--and goose and choose,
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword,

And do and go, and thwart and cart--
Come, come I've hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Why man alive!
I'd learned to talk it when I was five,

And yet to write it, the more I tried,
I hadn't learned at fifty-five!




The bandage was wound round the wound
The farm was used to produce produce
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse
We must polish the Polish furniture
He could lead if he would get the lead out
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
When shot at the dove dove into the bushes
I did not object to the object
The insurance was invalid for the invalid
There was a row among the oaesmen about how to row
They were too close to the door to close it
The buck does funny things when the does are present
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line
To help with planting the farmer taught his sow to sow
The wind was too strong to wind the sail
After a number of injections my jaw got number
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
 
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