Bad Day?

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by sgtpepperband, Jun 3, 2008.

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  1. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an m-mail he sent to his sister.

    She then sent it to a radio station in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

    Hi Sue,

    Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office.

    I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realise it's not so bad after all.
    Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.

    It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this:

    We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea, heats it to a delightful temperature, then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.

    Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

    What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my bum started to itch.

    So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my bum started to burn! I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

    Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my bum was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my bum.

    I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.

    I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my bum as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poo for two days because my bum was swollen shut.

    So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your arse.

    Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job".

    Remember whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day? May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

    Love

    Rob


    :oops: :cry:
     
  2. Kinnell doesn't bear thinkink about does it , ouch . :rambo:
     
  3. Reminds me of Johny Cash song Ring of fire. Or my ring,s on fire.
     
  4. absolute bolllllocks - i think a $20000 machine would have a filter on it, the way he "describes" his job to his sister is so convienient.

    i think he lies like a pussers menu
     
  5. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    ...which is probably why I posted it in "Lil's" raher than "Fleet", you pedantic twat... :roll: :thumright:
     
  6. i thank you right back sir
     
  7. He used to be called Brian....but that was 1998 when this email started its journey.....
    http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/diver.asp

    yours pedantically....
     
  8. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    ...hence the reason it's posted in "Lil's" as a joke! Where do I claim it's a true dit?! FFS... :roll: :yawn:
     
  9. There was a tv pgm on a few weeks back about this worm on the Amazon that jumped up this guys dick. It then went to the surgeon who had this worm in a test tube that had been taken out of his dick. And a video of the operation.

    The worm had spines that once lodged could not be "Flushed Out". I had to nip out and missed the rest but the reporter went in search of this worm that could jump out of the river into your dick if you say had a tiddle in the river.
     
  10. In actual fact the published story although blown up is based on an true event which happened in the mid-nineties during diving operations in the Persian Gulf. :nemo:
     
  11. Who cares who's arse it was ? It's a funny story....and makes me grateful for the work I do, believe it or not. :)
     
  12. Tip top dit. Never let the truth get in the way of dit. There are many stories in the Navy that may have questionable beginnings but they still get spun and we all laugh at them.
     
  13. Thats a big Roger on That!! :money:
     
  14. Yes, very painfull.

    .
    http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/2-29-2004-51087.asp
     

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