Awful jokes

skyvet

GCM
Sadly, the death was announced today of the man that invented the predictive text system. His funfair will take place on monkey at tree o click o_O
 

Wightsparker

War Hero
Slight problem here. You can't call blackboards blackboards any more; it's racist, apparently. They are now "chalkboards".

So if you can't call blackboards blackboards, what do you now call whiteboards"?
Indeliblemarkerpenboards?
 

Sumo

War Hero
Slight problem here. You can't call blackboards blackboards any more; it's racist, apparently. They are now "chalkboards".

So if you can't call blackboards blackboards, what do you now call whiteboards"?
Indeliblemarkerpenboards?
You cannot use indelible ink on white boards, it makes them permanently coloured boards? Bet we can't say that either?
 

Wightsparker

War Hero
You cannot use indelible ink on white boards, it makes them permanently coloured boards? Bet we can't say that either?
So it's got to be either deliblemarkerpenboards, or nonindeliblemarkerpenboards.
Or a really diverse-friendly one:

theproductofallthecoloursoftherainbowboards.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
If you think about it, the only places on the planet where you can actually ask
for a "doggy bag" to take home any leftovers from a restaurant meal are
North Korea and possibly certain parts of China.
 
Just a Random Five from 75:

“If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”

“All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers,
give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.”

“When something is ‘new and improved!’ which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it.”

[To heckler] “When they put teeth in your mouth, they spoiled a perfectly good bum.”

“Bonnie Prince Charlie was the only man ever named after three sheepdogs.”


Read more at: https://inews.co.uk/distractions/humour/billy-connolly-jokes-quotes/
 

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the Newscaster says: "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"
Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were Skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says; "How many is a Brazilian"?
 

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