Awesome Grannies

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by stan_the_man, Dec 1, 2012.

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  1. My gran was a fcuking legend, I could talk to her about anything me shagging out of watch (she laughed about that she was living with bloke 20 years younger than her and she was 75 at the time) I used to go round for a cuppa and we'd end up on the piss drinking sherry and shite. She was 4' 9" skinny as a rake but by fcuk when she had a bastard on stay clear, she was one of the first female shop stewards in a cotton mill in the 1920s and a Suffragette before that. A staunch labour supporter she hated the Tory's she liked me to take her to Yates Wine Lodge in Preston when I was on leave and I had to be in rig. She had a tele which she'd knicked off the Queen Mary when it visited Liverpool docks bet the fecker would be worth a fortune now.
    The only downside was her fcuking dog a big fcuking Labrador, it hated me, went round one day when I was about 12 and she was out but I knew the back door was always open, went round the alley climbed over the backyard wall just lowering myself down when the evil fecker bit my arse and wouldn't let go it dragged me round the yard through its shite that was on the floor a ripped me bastard pants off, down to the infirmary for the biggest fcuking needle up my shitter. Gran laughed like fcuk about that. She died in 1980 but the pusser being pusser didn't let me home for the funeral, bet she's looking down at me now thinking Stan you've been such a twat and never learned a fcuking thing I tried to teach you.
    • Like Like x 1
  2. (granny)

    (granny) Book Reviewer

    I thought the thread title was too good to be true!
    (sounds like a great granny)
  3. wal

    wal Badgeman

    GILF by any chance, granny
  4. I thought my granny was a bit of a cunt.
  5. My gran ran me over, twice.
  6. My mom was German. My maternal great gran was a card carrying member of the National Socialist party and died in Berlin in 1945 in the Reich Chancellery, where she worked as some sort of clerk, and was killed we were told by Russian artillery fire. Her body was formally identified both visually and by identification tags which were returned to the family after the Berlin wall fell.
    I'm fuckin grateful she didn't survive and get called upon to babysit.
    My gran spent years living with what she saw as shame that her mother was a Nazi. She was brilliant, kind and generous, and taught me to speak German, which I was forbidden to use in public because of the climate of anti German feeling in the 1950's.
    My other nan was also great.
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    When my granny was alseep, i would wipe my arse on her false teeth.
  8. She did the same to you she recons.
  9. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    The fucking bitch. Mind you, i did skiff her oxygen mask, so i'm one up.
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Fcuk me were related, I used to do that as well - but that was my other Gran
  11. A post by Kaboom in the pisses you off thread just reminded me of an event by my first wife's gran.
    She sent my missus a birthday card saying "Happy Birthday Chris and Steve, and individual Christmas cards.
    She was a poor old sole, her husband was killed when the Kelly was sunk in 41.
  12. Rummers your gran was a fish???
  13. She may have smelt like one Stan, but she wasn't my gran she was the ex wife's.
    The bad spelling make me a bit of a prawn doesn't it?
  14. Bit of a let down this thread, I thought it was going to be about Rummers love life
  15. I'll leave the granny grabin to you mate my missus is 15 years younger than me.
    Savile aint the only player in the park.
  16. Just means she's got longer to spend your pension(s).
  17. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    I thought this was a GILF thread.... :(
  18. Does that mean you are banging a glam gran?
  19. Dunno about you Sumo but I'm sleeping with one :glasses8:
  20. thinking on that so have i for the last 5 years

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