At the doctors.

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by taffscrivs, Apr 18, 2013.

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  1. Old George who's in his eighties, doesn't feel too well so his wife takes him to the doctors. The doc examines him and says, "I'm not sure what's wrong so we'll do some tests, I'll need to look at your urine and your faeces". George is as deaf as a post and says to his wife "What's he on about?". His wife replies, "He wants to look in your underpants George"!.
     
  2. Fixed it for you
     
  3. Bloke goes to the Doctors and is told he has aids, doc says, go home and drink nothing but Guiness, eat curry, mushy peas and take a strong laxative each night, bloke says will that cure me, doc says no, but it will remind you what your arse is for.
     
  4. Bloke goes to the new female doctor in the local medical practice.

    "So Mr. Dredd, what can I do for you?" she asks.

    "It's my penis" I . . . he says.

    "OK then, take it out and I will have a look at it."

    So he drops his kegs and slaps it on the table. She takes a good look at it, pulls back the foreskin, weighs it and even puts the stethoscope on it to check the pulse. She shakes her head, looking puzzled.

    "I'm afraid I cannot find anything wrong with it"" she says.

    "I know" he says as he zips up his fly "it's a bloody corker, innit?"
     
  5. A woman goes to the doctor's and tells him "I've got terrible wind but there's no noise and it doesn't smell". The doctor promptly syringes the woman's ears. "What did you do that for ?", she asks. Doc replies, "That's cured your hearing, we'll do your sinuses next".
     
  6. (granny)

    (granny) War Hero Book Reviewer

    true dit....went to the Docs, saw the new Temp...in her 20's, mini skirt, patterned tights, high heels....tested my BP and Pulse. She says 'they're both a little high' ? I looked her in the eye, I daren't look anywhere else, and said 'I wonder why?' The minx grinned and sent me to the practice nurse for a check. 50's time worn.... BP and pulse normal. Walked home with such a big grin on my face.
     
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  7. Man goes to see Doc for check up...............Doc says.....got some bad news for you Mr Brown, you're in very poor shape physically....lots of things wrong with you. Mr Brown says...I want a second opoinion...Doc says... you're ugly as well !
     
  8. Woman goes to the doctor and says "I think I'm turning kinky". "Okay", says the doctor, "Go behind the screen, strip off and lie on the couch". She thinks this is a bit strange but does as she's told. She lies there for about ten minutes and nothing happens, all she can hear is some groaning noises. "Right", says the doctor, "You can get dressed". "But you haven't done anything". the woman complains. "Yes I have ", replies the doctor, "I'm kinky as well, I've just shit in your handbag"!
     
  9. Bloke goes to the docs complaining of a very sore arse.
    Doc tells him to drop his trollies and pants and bend over.
    The doc says'Just going to put some cream on it'
    After 5 minutes he asks the bloke 'how does it feel now'?
    Bloke replies ' Much better thanks doc'
    Doc tells him to go home and get his wife to it again later.
    Much later the bloke asks his wife to do the same.
    She asks him if it feels any better but he says its different from when the doc did it.
    Just then he shouts out ' The bastard, I just realised he had both hands on my shoulder while he was doing it !'
     

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