As you get older ...

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Salty_Dog, Apr 14, 2007.

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  1. Two mates gassing in the pub:

    "You know, Eric, when I was 18 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands. When I was 25, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard and was sober. By the time I was 35, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem even if I had a few drinks. I'm 48 next week and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand, even when I'm drunk as a skunk."

    "So," Eric says, "What's your point?"

    "Well," replies Larry, "the point is, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm going to get."

    :wink:
     
  2. One man says to another , I have not talked to my wife in 3 months!
    The other asks, Why?
    He replies, I do not want to interrupt her!
     
  3. The human race is getting stronger, 20 years ago it took 4 people to carry £20s worth of groceries, now a child of 3 can do it.
     
  4. WOW, Higgy, never thought of it that way, theres me thinking the cost of living had risen by 19% in the last two years 8O :D :D
     
  5. ROTFLMAO......that one's a keeper:):):)
     
  6. Everytime I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Dont' pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

    If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called LABOR!
     
  7. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    Uh-oh, time for another misinformed rant?
     
  8. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Msg walks in to a bar and hears his Mum's voice?! I think I've been there - she was being drilled by a Commando at the time... 42 Cdo!! :twisted:

    In many parts of our troubled world, people are yelling "Revolution! Revolution!". In msg's town they're yelling "Evolution! Evolution! We want our thumbs!" :lol:
     
  9. The Doc on Eagle gave the lads some advice before the ship went into Mombasa. It was this:
    Flies spread diseases....................Keep yours zipped!
     
  10. And Sgt Peppers's Mum has a glass eye with a goldfish in it.

    I hung a picture of his mum on my wall and the wall fell down.

    Someone told me his mum fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

    When Sgt Pepper was born, the doctor slapped his mum instead of his bottom.
     
  11. Mate there's being witty like our Sgt Pepper, and then there's just plain bloody offensive, like yourself! 8O
     
  12. They say that everyone's got a twin....Sgt Pepper hasn't..nature wouldn't make the same mistake twice!! :lol:

    (and only banter Aussiepint so don't give me a hard time!!!) :lol: :lol:
     
  13. Hard time Stripey mate? Moi? :) Only if you need to come into and see me for a shot!! ;) xx
     
  14. Nice one pinta!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: x
     
  15. Aussiepint, can you not read. Sgt Pepper said that my Mom was being drilled by a Commando! I believe he brought up that offensive line of so called jokes. My Mom is 92 you twit. I can give it back if it is dished out. Boo hoo to you.
     
  16. No I can't read msgs :( Did you say I was t(witty)? No? Oh well....I'll go and boo hoo into my pillow then.
     
  17. The older I get --the better I was !!
     
  18. Handler, here here. Aussiepint, go float an air biscuit.
     
  19. Dear old smiley, it is the way you tell them that is really the problem, you tell them very badly, and your timing is abysmal.

    Humour needs great skill, something you have yet to aquire, so if you can't do it well don't do it.
     
  20. The three ages of Man.
    Tri weekly
    Try weekly
    Try weakly
     

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