Arse wipes

Discussion in 'The Gash Barge' started by R12_CV, Jun 23, 2010.

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  1. How fast does your household get through that most important item in the bathroom...toilet roll? I mean ffs, Mrs R12, 2 pubescent girls and a 10yo boy (with the toilet habits akin to those of his elder submariner bro) in the house and they are managing to use about 1 roll per day (I've actually monitored this, how fecking sad am I?). You know that sudden realisation you get when you've nipped it and there it is, Gone, just a role of cardboard. You find yourself asking 'Can I strip the cardboard down into paper??'
    Yet, not one of the bedrooms have that fresh wallpapered look.

    Pussers Izal is what I need...'lets see how fast you can get through that stuff, sweethearts' :twisted:

    BTW, just a rant. Don't monitor your HH for a full in-depth report for my benefit.
  2. I always find my bog roll consumption increases exponentially whenever I have a cute Labrador puppy in my house
  3. Most people use a fcuking ton of it. I watched the DS on Lad's Army teach the little darlings how to wipe their arses with just one segment of toilet roll once and I've never looked back. Call me sad if you will but its been a private challenge with myself to use as little as possible ever since.
  4. Cut the Radio times into wee squares and hang them on a nail. :roll:

    Never use these new-fangled shiny colour supplements though; non-absorbent & slithery as hell :oops:

  5. What you really need is one of these :


    Found all over the Far East, and very easy to attach to your existing plumbing as long as its not all hidden like a gayer . . . They make bum paper seem positively barbaric (although you'll likely still want some for a pat-dry).
  6. Sad if you will. :D
  7. As Mrs W_M is at work all day, I have the run of the place to myself between 8-5.

    During this time, I have found that a good solid torpoint trout leaves behind very few klingons, so don't usually bother with paper. I find that it becomes necessary only when I have difficulty sitting, or when Mrs W_M starts to check the gash bin/dishwasher to trace the source of the ripe smell.
  8. Did you know that the green party want to abolish all but single ply, recycled bog roll? i tell you this..they'll take my 4 ply, aloevera impregnated andrex, from my cold, dead buttocks.
  9. :D :D :D :D
  10. Pussers Izal is fine but most people (especially civvies) still think that you wipe your arse with it.They havn't realised that you fold it over a few times and use it to clean your nails out after scraping your arse clean :D
  11. Mrs S_S the second used this much per week.
  12. I really must concur with Sarking, the better class toilet rolls are the way forward.
    For all the good the cheapo's do, you might as well shove 'em up your arse.

  13. This may be something to do with the fact that your household is 3/5 female ..... It's very handy for removing nail polish, eye shadow, mascara etc ............
  14. After years of wiping their arses, women have noticed the size increase of their buttocks. So they have now started wiping inbetween their tits and hoping for the same results, hence the extrordinary amount of loo paper women use. :twisted:
  15. Just can't get over how much boggie females use. It gets wrapped around their hand three or four times and then just the most tenderest wipe against the sphinny and repeat until:
    1) the sh1t has been fully removed
    2) you run our of boggy and scream at the bloke of the house to go and get more
    3) bloke of the house screams at the absolute waste and non sense of it all
    4) all of the above.

    The less I use the better my crap experience feels.

    This really is a crap thread..
  16. and even shit :D :roll: :wink:
  17. Just for a laugh I told all my staff I was cutting down on costs and that in future I was issuing the shiny toilet paper in the staff toilets, so beloved in the mob.
    After a day I had a deputation from all the female staff.
    I asked what the problem was and one eventually spoke up and said
    "We don't want the shiny toilet paper as we can't dry our beavers!"
    Wife was in the office and nearly fell off the chair laughing,told them I'd cancel the order if they worked harder!
    You need dry Beavers in for Casino work!
  18. Ah the old shin :lol:y..the John Wayne of bog rolls. rough, tough and takes no sh1t. :lol:
  19. Ahh of course, I forgot about the secondary uses girls have. But then, it does have it's secondary uses for us guys...!

    I notice that since Wed they have consumed yet another 3 rolls.
    Stuffed in amongst June's Navy News are 3 more cardy rolls, sheeesh!
    Other bathroom excesses I've noticed include towels. Why do they use THREE towels after a shower??? Why do they then leave them draped over every banister and chair in the house? And why do they have 137 different hair products and gels etc in the shower?

    Oh...... and guess who has to clean the fecking hair out of the drains & plugs on a monthly basis... Him without hair. **that would be me then**

    Incidentally, the old 'wipe-on-wipe-off' is getting closer...

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