Any Girls From Essex??

geoffg

Lantern Swinger
Essex Girls


An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the council worker.
"10" replies the Essex girl
"10?" says the council worker. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are
out playing in the street I just have to shout "WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY", or "WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW" and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their surnames"


Essex Girl enters a n Adult shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
She says "I'll take the red one."
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."


An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Tracey."
Medic: "OK Tracey, is this your car?"
Tracey: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Tracey: "Romford, mate."


An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang.
It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her.
"Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of them!"


Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's Blood everywhere.
The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Tracey: "Ok."
Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?"
Tracey: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"


An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing.
She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being funny or nuffink, but why doz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it?"
So the Irish guy smiles,puts down his glass of Guinness and replies,
Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me roight foot and the one wit the L is for me Left foot"
"Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them.

geoff(ers) :nemo:
 

Ninja_Stoker

War Hero
Moderator
Nutty said:
Wot do yer call an Essex Girl wiv a runny nose

Full up

Nutty

Blummin' heck Nutty- I thought it was just Scousers that amused you! :crybaby:

There must be some Essex girl/Scouser wiiticisms out there mate.

The challenge is on- first to find one gets a free beer & a house in the US of A off MSG Smiley.
 

aussiepint

War Hero
Ninja_Stoker said:
Nutty said:
Wot do yer call an Essex Girl wiv a runny nose

Full up

Nutty

Blummin' heck Nutty- I thought it was just Scousers that amused you! :crybaby:

There must be some Essex girl/Scouser wiiticisms out there mate.

The challenge is on- first to find one gets a free beer & a house in the US of A off MSG Smiley.


An oxymoron surely?
 

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