Anus (and other) disasters.

older_joiner

Lantern Swinger
BreathingOutOnTheWayUp said:
Weightlifter Dit & Phot

Just for 2DD mind you - No-one else should even think about going there!!


http://www.snopes.com/photos/risque/prolapse.asp



(Snopes called a "Wah" on the dit so the Piccy might even be Monty after all.)

I don't need to open that to come to the conclusion that it is of the prolapse of the guy in the red squat suit.

I'm pretty sure it is a fake, although there is a grain of truth to the image.
 

tug1970

Lantern Swinger
Whilst not an **** disaster I have had a nasty accident well here goes. I was 18 and full of myself and out on the pull but didn't pull so it turned into a session as it does.
I said just going for a piss to my oppo and I went shook the snake on zipping up there was the most agonising pain and tearing noise. So I looked down of fcuk was what I said.
It was like that scene from something about Mary. I staggered out of The Nelson with some help and up to A+E at Haslar and well after a long wait in come's the doctor surgeon Lieutenant ********* he has a look and said oh dear. So they cut open the zip and look at my poor damaged member and clean up the blood. Hours later the doctor returns with a Surgeon Commander and they tell me sorry tug we cannot stitch that you going to have to circumcise you.
Well it's then off to the ward and one operation later I am lying in the bed feeling sorry for myself the next afternoon when I comes CPOMA *******. His first words were Tug you ain't half the man you used to be. I would not have been so bad but it ruined my new white chinos.
 

Rumrat

War Hero
X.R.D said:
Have to say this thread is fcuking hilarious although with my track record over the last few years you aren't telling me anything new. At the moment I have the farmers from hell which a dose of Prep H tends to sort although the other day I had a lovely smattering of claret in the pan after firing the worlds largest turd down the porcelain track. That and the urinary problems and the incessant need to take a shite whilst walking the dog down the local park. I dont think theres one bush in the park where I havent parked my ricker over the last few months to execute the worlds biggest and runniest shite.

So folks just remember, if your walking your dog don't go running into the bushes to extract his/her ball as you never know what you might find.

Do you carry extra poopa scoop's for yourself, we wouldn't want the dog taking a bum wrap. :eek:
 

X.R.D

War Hero
Rumrat said:
X.R.D said:
Have to say this thread is fcuking hilarious although with my track record over the last few years you aren't telling me anything new. At the moment I have the farmers from hell which a dose of Prep H tends to sort although the other day I had a lovely smattering of claret in the pan after firing the worlds largest turd down the porcelain track. That and the urinary problems and the incessant need to take a shite whilst walking the dog down the local park. I dont think theres one bush in the park where I havent parked my ricker over the last few months to execute the worlds biggest and runniest shite.

So folks just remember, if your walking your dog don't go running into the bushes to extract his/her ball as you never know what you might find.

Do you carry extra poopa scoop's for yourself, we wouldn't want the dog taking a bum wrap. :eek:

Mate of course I do. I dont live in an area full of riff-raff dont you know!! :wink:
 
G

guestm

Guest
Shaharting oneself is ace. I await with no small joy the tale of an rr members epic soiling dits including both the time he carked himself on watch, in tropic shorts negative undies and in rig, in my car on the way to culdrose.
 
I too suffered from that rare almost unknown disease "shatmypantsitus" a malady that can be most embarassing.It culminated with me curling one down on the uckers table in the mess square after a prolonged weekend sesh.I was then forced to undergo a lengthy period of medical research.
It was discovered that it was in fact a condition closely related to the"pissmepantitus" syndrome which is much more common.Both are a real medical condition actually caused by an allergic reaction, in my case , alcohol.
The skipper in his wisdom decided the cure was a period of abstinence(14 days) with a bit of extra graft (No.9s) for good measure.This seemed to have the desired effect as I have never suffered an attack such as that since.
(I did some research of my own and discovered that some allergies can be overcome by constant exposure to whatever agent is causing the problem :D )
 

Ballistic

War Hero
2nd hand dit but one that always amused me.

Ship was Dartmouth Regatta Guardship and some mess members were ashore in the yacht club.

One bloke needed a poo so off he went to the gents only to discover after he'd dumped his load that there was no bog paper to be found anywhere, not even hand drying tissues.

Being a resourceful chap he found in his back pocket a recent pay statement. (The old type with hand written adjustments made by the scribblers, folded and stapled together). Obviously this was only chance of coming back out with a clean ringpiece.

All that could be heard in the bar was a blood-curdling scream coming from the heads.

He'd forgotten to remove the staple.
 

Rumrat

War Hero
A certain ex POGI who used to post on here one night became a handful in the mess deck when he was but a small junior seaman.
I think his heinous crime was refusing to fetch 9o'clockers for his masters, the badge-men of Gobblers gulch.
So we gave him the Colgate "Ring" of confidence by inserting a tube up his puckered lips. The result was instantaneous, and to the great delight of the assembled troops, the dirty little bugger shat all over my hand.
Had I have been a bastard I would have fed it him, but benigness has always been my Achilles heel. :twisted:
 
Rumrat said:
A certain ex POGI who used to post on here one night became a handful in the mess deck when he was but a small junior seaman.
I think his heinous crime was refusing to fetch 9o'clockers for his masters, the badge-men of Gobblers gulch.
So we gave him the Colgate "Ring" of confidence by inserting a tube up his puckered lips. The result was instantaneous, and to the great delight of the assembled troops, the dirty little bugger shat all over my hand.
Had I have been a bastard I would have fed it him, but benigness has always been my Achilles heel. :twisted:

Gives a whole new meaning to the term "gleaming smile" :D
 
:) :) :) :) Fcuk me Monty just had a shite morning at work and read the "Pile Thread" made my Clement Freuds clench like fcuk and me arse went into spasm - but beware Stans girl is home on leave and I showed her your dit just hope your career paths don't meet and I mean that for several reasons mate I certainly don't want your grandchildren.
 

Latest Threads

New Posts

Top