Amusing or duff writeups

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by WreckerL, Oct 14, 2010.

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  1. Reading some comments about the banter on here got me thinking ,which gave me a headache (Angrydoc will advise hopefully), but what shite/embarrassing or funny comments have peeps had in their write ups?

    2 of mine stick in my mind

    "Tendency for untimely flippant remarks"

    and "A lively sense of humour but somewhat base at times"
     
  2. Removed by me
     
  3. "Cnut" and "big cnut" and "pissed up cunt" seemed to figure a lot in mine :D
     
  4. "Fcukin Awesome" Dont bother doing G.D's and go straight on your juniors course!!!









    I might be elaborating just slightly though!!!
     
  5. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Being recommended for Juniors' and actually completing it are not necessarily the same... :wink:
     
  6. "What a good egg NZB is, my advice is to promote him to Commandant General Royal Marines as soon as he's mastered the joined up writing thing."

    Damn you cursive script!!

    But seriously.
    "Requires supervision." :oops: .
    One drama with a bit of flaming petrol, a pair of denims ablaze around the crotch and me discovered rolling around on the deck trying to extinquish the flames before my nuts were well and truely roasted and a career full of potential is ruined. :cry: :lol:

    I have no intention of showing any of my write ups to Mrs NZB, she doesn't need any more proof of my utter cockness.
     
  7. Think you need to re-phrase that SPB...unless you know something we don't :wink:
     
  8. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    S'not for me to spread gossip - I'll leave that to the Royals... :twisted:
     
  9. "Has a calming influence in the mess" 8O
     
  10. "This man will go far as long as dockyard transport is provided"
     
  11. jockpopeye

    jockpopeye Badgeman Book Reviewer

    "some colleagues may confuse his abundance of confidence with arrogance" was both entertaining and irrelevant.
     
  12. Some of my personal favourites:

    "Couldn't organise a woodpecker's banyan in Sherwood forest."

    "This man has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar."

    "The only ship I would recommend for this man is citizenship."

    The rest of these are at http://www.gashbag.com/officersreports.htm.
     
  13. "only noticeable onboard for his total lack of interest" was my personal favourite
     
  14. "ED is a smartly turned out and reliably punctual individual"

    smack of filler by someone who can't really be arsed to me but then I've never done a course in how to write reports.
     
  15. Pub I worked in I was given this as an assessment at my performance review-

    'Course, blunt speaking and shows a degree of contempt for supervisors. However highly popular with the customers'

    Or something along those lines. Was kind of chuffed really as the supervisors were all gippy chav suck ups :)
     
  16. I was once called Owen Hargreaves in a review by a supervisor. Unfortunately my displeasure at being mistaken for a curly haired German ponce has caused me to forget what he actually said but it was probably something along the lines of: "Has a good rapport with customers due to his natural charm, wit and dahsing good looks." :D

    Edited to add:

    For anyone unsure of the relevance of Owen Hargreaves, we have vaguely similar names.
     
  17. My superiors often drew attention to my more endearing qualities by underlining them boldly in red ink. 8O
     
  18. Final line of my report at end of basic training at Raleigh.

    I would gladly have this rating in my Division. However, I must state that this man is most definitely a lower deck rating !!!!!
     
  19. Nonchalant and bordering on flippant. Not phased by anything no matter what task he's given.
    Ashford police training school 1980.

    I upset the training staff because I didnt bite when provoked during training scenarios.

    Apparently you were supposed to.
     
  20. 'Works well when cornered, like a rat'
     

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