Amazing,

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by janner, May 16, 2013.

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  1. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

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    [TD]1.
    AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING

    SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU
    CHOP.


    2.
    AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY
    USING THE SINK.

    3.
    FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND

    BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS.
    REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

    4.
    A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM
    ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE
    BUTTON.


    5.
    IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL
    BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

    6.
    YOU NEED ONLY TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T
    MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE
    THE DUCT TAPE.


    7.
    IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL
    PROBLEM.



    THOUGHT
    for the day:

    SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD
    FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN THEY'RE

    PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

    SOME
    ADDITIONAL ADVICE:

    NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, TAKE A
    LAXATIVE AND SLEEPING PILLS ON THE SAME
    NIGHT



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