Alternate headlines

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by rod-gearing, Jul 1, 2008.

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  1. Im getting really fed up of some of the headlines that seem to make the front pages and news recently so I've thought of a few I'd like to see

    Amy Winehouse goes into a convent to avoid public life.

    Robert Mugabe says sorry for all the trouble he has caused and stands down giving all his fortune to the poor of Zimbawe.

    Mylene Klass performs in the nude for forces veterans.

    Prime Minister increases forces pay by 75% and leave by 1 month as a thank you.

    Royal Navy to re introduce diesel boats for old times sake.

    All reality tv shows to be banned.

    Petrol prices at all time record low of 22 pence per gallon.

    Jonathan Ross loses his voice,doctors say it will be permanant.

    Andy Murray wins his fifth Wimbledon final in a row.

    Anybody think of any others they would like to see? :thumright:
  2. Gordon Browne says "Sorry I am not fit to run GB. I resign!"

    MPs line up to hand back excessive expenses.

    Complete overhaul of social security and benefit system, effective immediately.

    Long term doleys to work for their benefits!
  3. MPs to pay taxpayers for privilege of serving them!

    Ayatollah Khomeni relocates his missing contact lens!

    PM appoints Amy Whinehouse as next Archbishop of Canterbury!

    Mad Cow Girl wins landslide at Haltemprice byelection! David Davis joins Labour!

    All-Woman Navy announced by Harriet Harman. Men to be phased out alongside Trident.

    Slim discovers he's a lesbian! ;)
  4. Royal Air Force admit the 100 year experiment is not working and wrap up after 90th aniversary!
  5. But Steve, Ive come out of the closet and admitted to being a lezzer many times. I've watched lots of the video's and like what I see. Don't Fancy one of those big dildos being used on me though. :w00t:
  6. But you won't know if you don't like until you've tried it! :bball:
  7. We know a song about that don`t we?

    All together now.

    I think that It`s Meatloaf, I may be wrong,

    I`ve heard about a blowjob, but I won`t do that. :w00t:
  8. Jesus returns and becomes a Humanist.

    Teddy Bear publically beheaded in Sudan for showing too much fur!

    Pope confesses to being a Protestant!

    Admirals to have job title changed to Director

    Queen outlives Prince William 75

    Civil Service Privatised. Mafia buys Treasury for £5M.

    Islamic Republic of America abolishes Congress.

  9. OUCH!!!!!!
  10. So did you like it? :confused:
  11. Royal Marine Shock Horror Scandal!!!!!
    No Naked Bars This Wekend!!!

    Our correspondants throughout the United Kingdom are reporting a disturbing trend in the Elite Royal Marines, nudity whilst ashore has reached critically low levels, this leaves our Red Top sister paper the Scum with little to slag them off about and so their leader today is a rousing "We support our brave lads and lasses" puff piece instead.
    Normal service will be resumed next week.
  12. Archduke Ferdinand found alive - World War I fought by mistake.
  13. Slim, just lie back and think of England!

  14. The McCanns admit they're a pair of cnuts!!
  15. I've heard you do French though! :w00t:
  16. Hadrian's Wall and Offa's Dyke to be rebuilt...higher.

    Free Tea for Engineers.

    New legislation allows only those who can spell and use grammar correctly to be able to post on RR.

    Gurkhas Get Same Pension Rights As Other Regular Service Personnel

    Anyone Who Wishes To Stand For Election To Parliament Immediately Banned From Doing So In Move To Get Snouts Out Of Trough.

    Edited for spelling and grammar

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