All the clobber, what a nobber



A strange condition seems to have beset itself upon my colleagues and I. Recently, many of us have taken up new pastimes, or, returned to one we had taken a rest from. I have returned to golf, others have taken up cycling, climbing etc.

Needless to say, we have all spent an inordinate amount of money on shite that we don't need. I myself have just spent the best part of 400 quid on golfing attire, despite the fact that I am fucking shit and am lucky to break 100. However, I feel much better looking mustard whilst lying about my score to the hot golf slags in the clubhouse. I would have spent more but my clubs are a grand and I can't be fucked to store two sets.

My fat mate has bought a 3 grand road bike (yes a pedal one)that he has taken out once in 2 months, another clown you can only be described as disgracefully unfit has taken up triathlon and spent grands on that. Whilst a friend who I introduced to cricket yesterday purchased a £250 cricket bat despite being perhaps the worst cricketer I have ever seen since I stood my missus in front of a bowling machine for a laugh and turned it up to 90 mph.

All the kit, what a tit. All the gear no idea etc.

Does anyone else spunk wads of cash up the wall despite being about as good at your chosen occupation as a blind quadraplegic with narcolepsy who has been set on fire and put out with a combine harvester?
I know people like that. I once gave a kid a few bass lessons and he then turned up with a brand new USA Fender Precision Bass and Ampeg rig. Hadn't bothered to learn the bass lines I'd taught him the week previous like but now had a pro setup. Whadda knobber. Needless to say he gave up shortly after.
Not a recent exploit, but one that still gets black looks and sarcasm from the war office.
Me and three other mates bought a mini cooper S and set about preparing it to Rally standards, which involves a terrific amount of money because of the H&S aspects.
It took us about twelve months and in excess of 4 thousand each.
We entered it into the RAC rally from Avonmore, and me and another chap Les were to drive and co pilot it, as we had both been in the rally before.
Half way to the start point the fuckin trailer we were transporting it on literally fell to pieces and we were not able to check the car in. :oops: :cry:


Book Reviewer
Don't know if this counts, but I bought a topbox and inner bag for the bike secondhand. 200 sheets and I've had it on the bike twice, I prefer a rucksack.
The local Neighbour hood watch man where I live, fuckin hell what a sight to behold.
All he's short of is a friggin SA80, a belt of ammo around his neck and a tin lid.
He had polio as a child and limps like fuck and has a twenty degree list to starboard.
Apart from that RAMBO :oops: 8O
My wife won't let me forget the top of the range jogging suit I bought,used it once in 20 years to walk down the pub.
I'm a night club man,smoky bars,clink of glasses,topless bar staff and I'm happy[or I was] all this fresh air nonsense like jogging is not for me,besides I've heard it causes skinned nuts and that can be painful.
been out the mob two years(nearly) and still pass my bleep test wearing my pussers silver shadows when the cadets I work with visit faslane, does that count as money wasted? Still in date till november this year!
In the past four years I have purchased eight bloody
gazebos (B&Q, Internet, Littlewoods catalogue, Argos,
Homebase etc), ranging in price from shoplifting to
£400.99. I have tirelessly slaved away putting these
metallic bastards together and I've anchored them in
twenty places on our top tier of decking.
Along comes the rain, bends the material inwards
and caves all the "Steel" struts into twisted scrap.
Even better - along comes a Storm Force 10 and the
entire f***ing thing tears itself asunder and pays a
visit to a garden ten doors down. Once got one back in
three bin bags.
Ohhhh. just finished putting another one up. Guess what,
it's pissing down with bank holiday rain and blowing up a
rather nice gazebo destroying gale.

My wife loves gazebos.
Spent £300 on an distance course A level, and set a date to finish it in 6 months. I havent started it, and the exams are in June.
Money well spent!
I have a top end Alienware desktop that I no longer use for pc gaming, just the odd Internet and facebook browsing. Although I did use it often at the time, but like fashion just gradually started using it less and less.
I remember when I was the BM on the Lusty back in 05. We had this officer who would turn up at the gangway each day looking like he had just completed a leg of the ''Tour de France''. He would sprint up the gangway with his racing bike slung over his shoulder. He would then look at us and give a little nod. He lived in Petersfield so everyone assumed that he cycled in everyday come rain or shine. One Morning I was coming back from the Home Club and fanced a pint of milk and a newspaper and proceded to go to the Co-op on the Hard. Low and behold who should I see coming down the steps from the Pompey Harbour Railway station? Only the bloody officer fully booted and spurred in his bloody racing gear. The f**ker used to get the train in everyday and would cycle the distance between the station and the the ship! What a tool
I've got a mate who has got ALL the clobber, but is actually a bloody good lad (even though he's retired RAF).

He's into tracking, bushcraft, cycling, paragliding, etc, and spends thousands of pounds each year (scratch that- a month). Having thoroughly researched and reviewed them he can generally pick holes in the design of a product and then sells it, or more importantly just gives them to me!

I've got jackets, knives, bushcraft kit and all manner of other clobber. All of them are absolutely the best that can be purchased and have never been used. He should work as a product reviewer/designer. We'd all be walking around in 1.5 gram winter jackets which breath and never rip, if that fussy bugger got stuck into an idea.

Don't knock the clobber hoarders. They rock :D
Sailing is the ultimate pastime for spunking huge amounts of cash on equipment you never need. In Portugal a couple of weeks ago I saw a group of friends setting off on a comp crew course , all wearing BNWT Musto/Helly etc. :lol:
My mate spent £2000 on a paraglider and £800 on a harness. Sold it within 2 hours for about £1000 loss. :roll:

His spectacular knife and torch purchasing skills are similar, and I have seen over 50 £100+ torches cross his path in the last 2 years.
Whilst on the Scummer i really got into rugby, so i got all the training gear, boots, proper shin pads, etc, laid out 200 notes, then i went outside, never played since!
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