Alert status

#1
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have
raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit
Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from
"Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the English
and French that are on a heightened level of alert.

Italy has increased the alert level from "shout loudly and excitedly" to
"elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "ineffective
combat operations" and "change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to
"dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They also have two higher
levels: "invade a neighbour" and "lose".
 
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