Advice & Peace of Mind

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#1
After having read most of the posts on this here site, i thought i would part with some wisdom for the Newbies & Civvies.

Newbies. Please think before you post a topic. If you go into the newbies forum and go through it, you may well find that your question has been asked by someone else and answered. I wouldn't have a clue what you are going on about as my experience of a ship was getting shitfaced on the HMS Ambuscade down in the Falklands in late '91. Obviously, a quick search will prevent you getting abused by the experienced chaps on this site. There is nothing wrong with asking a question, but please take the time to engage your brain before you do. If you do this, you may find a plethora of help and experience at your disposal.

Civvies. Everyone has something to bring to a party, and you are no exception. However, just because you may subscribe to the Navy News, it doesn't make you an expert in everything Naval. Winding it in a bit will also prevent your posts getting crayoned over by the die hard loonies on this site.

Diamond Lil's. There is no point in moaning because you don't agree with what some people are saying in this particular forum. Read the warning before you enter. You wouldn't drink bleach then moan that it makes you feel like shit would you? Exactly. If you don't like or understand the humour, go to another forum.

RAF. Just fuck off.

If i can assist anyone else with any problems that they may have, please feel free to ask.
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#3
labrum said:
Blackrat said:
RAF. Just fuck off.
Think you've given them too much consideration BR, they are not worthy of your advice short and to the point as it is...
Maybe so but i fancy myself in the role of some sort of Agony Uncle. Maybe i'll get lucky and have a problem from a crab?
 
#4
Pongos. It's not the HMS AMBUSCADE, it's HMS AMBUSCADE. A common error traditionally made by west country TV presenters :thumbup:
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#5
Guzzler said:
Pongos. It's not the HMS AMBUSCADE, it's HMS AMBUSCADE. A common error traditionally made by west country TV presenters :thumbup:
Thank you for correcting me old chap. You see, what would i know? At least i spelt it right i suppose.

And Jimbo, i'm bang up for that and willing to offer advice for any problems you may have. Free of charge of course.
 
#7
You haven't lived until you've been affectionately launched out the window of the Captain's cabin by an enormous and overly friendly Falklands vet.

Or kicked up and down the cobbles outside of Sax two's or whatever it's called by happy bouncers.
 
#8
Blackrat said:
labrum said:
Blackrat said:
RAF. Just fuck off.
Think you've given them too much consideration BR, they are not worthy of your advice short and to the point as it is...
Maybe so but i fancy myself in the role of some sort of Agony Uncle. Maybe i'll get lucky and have a problem from a crab?
Well it is coming up to Christmas, that would be more than a gift for you, it would be a gift for us all...
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#10
Clown_Puncher said:
You haven't lived until you've been affectionately launched out the window of the Captain's cabin by an enormous and overly friendly Falklands vet.

Or kicked up and down the cobbles outside of Sax two's or whatever it's called by happy bouncers.
Ah. The love of the Falklands vet. A lot of our instructors in Junior Leaders had served on Corporate and were quite clearly insane. How they got away with their kickings of us were a mystery to all. Absolute loonies to a man.

And learning my street fighting trade in Germany where those really nice panzer mechs of 5 Armoured Workshops cornered me outside a bar, cracked my cheekbone and left me with a scar under my left eye, the chopsy fucks.
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#12
Passed-over_Loggie said:
As Guzzler has introduced an educational function;

http://www.defac.ac.uk/eDW/JSP101_DWG_Version_1_0.pdf

Blackrat said:
served on Corporate
Please note that it was Op CORPORATE, as per JSP101 Ch 6 Para 3.a.

Anyway, now the good Book has been demoted to a "guide", we can all write any way we bloody want. They'll introduce a chapter on "standard txt spk" next.

I've annoyed myself now.
Good point. As was Op Granby, but i refer to it as Granby as it gives me more drinking time.
 

pugfrom83

Lantern Swinger
#13
Blackrat said:
Passed-over_Loggie said:
As Guzzler has introduced an educational function;

http://www.defac.ac.uk/eDW/JSP101_DWG_Version_1_0.pdf

Blackrat said:
served on Corporate
Please note that it was Op CORPORATE, as per JSP101 Ch 6 Para 3.a.

Anyway, now the good Book has been demoted to a "guide", we can all write any way we bloody want. They'll introduce a chapter on "standard txt spk" next.

I've annoyed myself now.
Good point. As was Op Granby, but i refer to it as Granby as it gives me more drinking time.

As we say in 22. If you can talk about it, you weren't really there :wink:
 

chatsharris

Lantern Swinger
#16
Blackrat said:
getting shitfaced on the HMS Ambuscade down in the Falklands in late '91.

If i can assist anyone else with any problems that they may have, please feel free to ask.
I'm pretty certain my old man was one of the chefs on board around that time. If there was alcohol he'd have been there....
 
#18
Blackrat said:
If i can assist anyone else with any problems that they may have, please feel free to ask.[/quote]



Dear Blackrat,

Yeah, I've got a few fcuking problems!!

Why do I get tourettes when my mrs makes me watch soaps?

Why do I keep on swamping?

Why do I want to smash chavs in?

What are Wednesday's lotto numbers?
 
#19
Alfacharlie said:
Blackrat said:
If i can assist anyone else with any problems that they may have, please feel free to ask.[/quote]



Dear Blackrat,

Yeah, I've got a few fcuking problems!!

Why do I get tourettes when my mrs makes me watch soaps?

Why do I keep on swamping?

Why do I want to smash chavs in?

What are Wednesday's lotto numbers?

Alfa, Be calm, help is at hand.

For many months now I have been running classes in my remedy colledge and I feel sure I can help you.
I am at present running a seminar on seminal fluids and their effect on a shrunken economy.
Your feelings of hostility towards people in track suits is no doubt a throw back to the bullying in school.
You really should not have done it, but that's passed so we should move on.
Swamping is a problem shared by many, from under 5's to the elderly ladies of look at me I'm laughing fame on the telly.
A short course in Lady Tenor's could help but quite s few prefer Huggies.
Swearing at women I must admit is a serious condition and must stop immediately so as to conserve your self esteem.
Next time your wife displays signs of behaviour that may lead to your swearing, move in close to her, take her in your arms and Head butt her, you will find this sways the abuse to almost nothing.
And if you think I know or would share the lottery numbers with you, you really must be one mother fcukin sick fcuker, and should go fcuk yourself, selfish b*stard.
 
#20
Rumrat said:
Alfacharlie said:
Blackrat said:
If i can assist anyone else with any problems that they may have, please feel free to ask.[/quote]



Dear Blackrat,

Yeah, I've got a few fcuking problems!!

Why do I get tourettes when my mrs makes me watch soaps?

Why do I keep on swamping?

Why do I want to smash chavs in?

What are Wednesday's lotto numbers?

Alfa, Be calm, help is at hand.

For many months now I have been running classes in my remedy colledge and I feel sure I can help you.
I am at present running a seminar on seminal fluids and their effect on a shrunken economy.
Your feelings of hostility towards people in track suits is no doubt a throw back to the bullying in school.
You really should not have done it, but that's passed so we should move on.
Swamping is a problem shared by many, from under 5's to the elderly ladies of look at me I'm laughing fame on the telly.
A short course in Lady Tenor's could help but quite s few prefer Huggies.
Swearing at women I must admit is a serious condition and must stop immediately so as to conserve your self esteem.
Next time your wife displays signs of behaviour that may lead to your swearing, move in close to her, take her in your arms and Head butt her, you will find this sways the abuse to almost nothing.
And if you think I know or would share the lottery numbers with you, you really must be one mother fcukin sick fcuker, and should go fcuk yourself, selfish b*stard.
:lol: Rumrat you really are a smooth talking fcuker. A man of your age should be more sensible and tolerant but what the fcuk were all gods children - just be careful when you meet St Peter he may not appreciate your humour, especially if you'd banged his missus
 

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