Advice for the fairer sex...

sgtpepperband

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#1
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do women wear make up and perfume?
Because they are ugly and they smell.

:shock: :lol:
 

sgtpepperband

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#5
SF: No award needed - just safe in the knowledge that I'm 6000 miles away from the UK, in the middle of the Indian Ocean...

nerr nerr ne nur nurr!!

:lol:
 
#9
They've gone quiet mate. Now you should be really worried. Watch out for unidentified craft approaching at speed. Safe in the Indian Ocean? Your mistake giving your location away. Given JDs remark the nerr, nerr might actually be the sound of the ambulance you're gonna need. Good luck mate.

LOL

SF
 
#10
Ok we could go on for ever, but I shall just keep it to my personal favourite which I think sums it up quite nicely!

Why is urine yellow and semen white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going

:thumright:
 
#13
Kiwi-Fi said:
Ok we could go on for ever, but I shall just keep it to my personal favourite which I think sums it up quite nicely!

Why is urine yellow and semen white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going

:thumright:
Don't mind if I'm coming or going as long as she swallows , sorry .
 
#14
dondon said:
Kiwi-Fi said:
Ok we could go on for ever, but I shall just keep it to my personal favourite which I think sums it up quite nicely!

Why is urine yellow and semen white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going

:thumright:
Don't mind if I'm coming or going as long as she swallows , sorry .
for shame Don................
xxxx
 
#15
josiecats said:
dondon said:
Kiwi-Fi said:
Ok we could go on for ever, but I shall just keep it to my personal favourite which I think sums it up quite nicely!

Why is urine yellow and semen white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going

:thumright:
Don't mind if I'm coming or going as long as she swallows , sorry .
for shame Don................
xxxx

Sorry "josie" .
 
#19
SILVER_FOX said:
They've gone quiet mate. Now you should be really worried. Watch out for unidentified craft approaching at speed. Safe in the Indian Ocean? Your mistake giving your location away. Given JDs remark the nerr, nerr might actually be the sound of the ambulance you're gonna need. Good luck mate.

LOL

SF
What makes anybody think he really is in the Indian Ocean, a case of disinformatzia maybe?
 
#20
dondon said:
josiecats said:
dondon said:
Kiwi-Fi said:
Ok we could go on for ever, but I shall just keep it to my personal favourite which I think sums it up quite nicely!

Why is urine yellow and semen white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going

:thumright:
Don't mind if I'm coming or going as long as she swallows , sorry .
for shame Don................
xxxx

Sorry "josie" .
awwwwwwwwww see i knew you were a good lad.....xxxxxxxx
 

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