Advice for the fairer sex...

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by sgtpepperband, Jul 28, 2007.

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  1. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

    Why do men break wind more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman who won't do what she's told.

    I married Miss Right.
    I just didn't know her first name was Always.

    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

    Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.

    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
    Then God created Man and rested.
    Then God created Woman.
    Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

    Why do women wear make up and perfume?
    Because they are ugly and they smell.

    :shock: :lol:
  2. :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:
  3. Ah, I can now see that Sggt is married, he has that sour taste effect :thumright:
  4. I think the Sgt deserves a special award for bravery. The man obviously has absolutely no fear.

  5. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    SF: No award needed - just safe in the knowledge that I'm 6000 miles away from the UK, in the middle of the Indian Ocean...

    nerr nerr ne nur nurr!!

  6. The man may also be lacking a pair of his personal balls within the following 24rhs :threaten:
  7. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    JD: Well maybe I'm throwing down the gauntlet; perhaps you ladies can reciprocate accordingly?! :wink:
  8. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer female contributions, to get your own back?! :wink:
  9. They've gone quiet mate. Now you should be really worried. Watch out for unidentified craft approaching at speed. Safe in the Indian Ocean? Your mistake giving your location away. Given JDs remark the nerr, nerr might actually be the sound of the ambulance you're gonna need. Good luck mate.


  10. Ok we could go on for ever, but I shall just keep it to my personal favourite which I think sums it up quite nicely!

    Why is urine yellow and semen white?
    So men can tell if they are coming or going

  11. Nice contribution Kiwi-Fi - by the way love your avatar, very cuddly

  12. Seems it's the lads turn to go quiet. :bootyshake:
  13. Don't mind if I'm coming or going as long as she swallows , sorry .
  14. for shame Don................

  15. Sorry "josie" .
  16. Note to self: Best not to visit Diamond Lil's while eating lunch :pukel:
  17. sorry I should have warned you - not a handsome bunch are we ? :w00t:
  18. What makes anybody think he really is in the Indian Ocean, a case of disinformatzia maybe?
  19. awwwwwwwwww see i knew you were a good lad.....xxxxxxxx

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