Adultery yes please.

Adultery in the navy is a very common thing,
Shaggin an oppos missus saves your oppos ring,
Cus if you got frustrated and was well topped up with gunk,
You might be very tempted to visit your oppos bunk.

Or worse than that a junior, a poor little bit of skin,
Could well be grabbed by the hips one night and a lump pushed into him.
It isn't very nice you see when you've just thought your life was sound,
To be grabbed by hips by a big OD and have your young ring ground.

And how can we have such things as these happen in our fleet,
Tales of sodomy and debauchery, the press would have a treat.
How would it look on news at ten, when the bells on Big Ben sound,
To have a skin young junior scream!!...... their trying to poke me a pound.

So adultery is approved all round its a part of naval life,
If you oppo goes to sea you nip round and bone his wife,
It doesn't matter what the civvies think or even what they say,
You do it as part of your duty, they can even dock your pay.

Trust me I'm a sailor we would never lie
its against our code of ethics,as true as "pigs can fly"
So if you read of jack shaggin his mates wife, whilst he's out at sea,
You know he's only doing his duty, no matter how unpleasant it might be.
Bravo, nomination for the next Poet laureate....Your majesty, please take note...if your not up for it, give 'Phil the Greek' a nudge, he knows where his duty lies....:la:
Poor poor Wreckler

Fuckin hell said Wrecker pointing in the air,
his idea being distraction so he could nick his families fayre
He stole his poor sprogs cheesy hammy egg of the plate,
by the time his poor kids eyes dropped,.. alas it was too late,
The greedy twat had swallowed it almost took it whole,
no other cunt on any boat could get more in their hole.

Fuckin gulp he swallowed hard the food slid down with ease,
I wouldn't mind some nice fresh bread and maybe froggy cheese,
In fact I could eat anything I'm starving and depressed,
There's mornings I get up like this.. I can't bother getting dressed.
I'm always bastard fed up depressed and feeling low,
I've got to get a fuckin plan, that Rumrat has to go.

I know he thought I've got it now a rather cunning plan,
I'll offer him my backyard lawn to park his caravan,
And when he's snuggled down at night a cylinder I'll hire,
Fuckin propane stacks of it I'll start a fuckin fire,
So quick as a flash he sent a message full of slimy praise,
It said I think I know you mate,. come down for a few days.

Suspicion grew immediately Rumrats brain was fit to burst,
He knew that bastard wrecker lied, if not this was a first,
Why is wrecker being nice he's trying to be quite slick,
Asking to "hook up again" the two faced lying prick,
Wrecker said he knows me,. come down he wrote quite plain,
Cus if the bastard knows me, why would he want me there again?

Was it him who lent me trousers and I filled them full of shit,
The night I got arrested, and had a DQ's pit,
Or did I see his tot off when he said but have a wet,
If its that what he wants revenge for he must be a precious get,
I know.. I shagged his sister,.. no that cannot be the case,
Or else his brother,..maybe both, when I was off my face.

Its really cus he loves me but he wont say this in thread,
And if the twat denies it, whys he want to give me head,
Its not that I am vain you know or think that I'm a diver, (shut the fuck up Frogman I said DIVER)
Or think I am a bit of skin just like a high school leaver,
No I took a course quite recently that's made me effervescent, (bubbly for the benefit of bent tube peepers)
Called "Big it up in five days", run by some twat who's called essence.

I wrote and told old wrecker this, he said it didn't matter,
He said that he still wanted me even though I'm on the batter,
Who the fuck has told you that I had to ask quite quickly,
The very thought of being shagged had made my skin all prickly,
I was told you'd done a course on how to pull and act real slick,
Mind you the twat that told me well he looked a real prick.

A prick says I to wreckler, what gave you that idea,
Says wrecks when first I saw him I and he started drawing near,
I couldn't believe my fuckin eyes he was dressed in a dry suit,
There was bats a hanging from his arms te type that munch on fruit,
I said where the fuck have you been, its a little cold for swimmin,
I ain't been in the pool says he I've just been with these women,

So Wrecker wrote and told me not to bother coming down,
And being generous to me he sent me half a crown,
Twelve and a half pence?....... thanks said I( though I thought it very strange)
"Have a couple of wets" says wreckes and then said "Keep the change"
Have you been ashore quite recent wrecks I said,..... he turned to me,
Oh yes I do it often ........I was there in 93.
Bumped until wreckler explodes
Exploding with laughter, if you've shagged my sister then I didn't realise you were visually impaired. Ain't being blick enough for you? or do just have a strange attraction for Labradors fitted with hi-viz jackets and carry handles ^~
Exploding with laughter, if you've shagged my sister then I didn't realise you were visually impaired. Ain't being blick enough for you? or do just have a strange attraction for Labradors fitted with hi-viz jackets and carry handles ^~
All of above.
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