Adult Jokes... Enjoy

Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by nelsons_blood, Jan 5, 2011.

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  1. Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night, I dreamt you got
    run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.

    A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger.
    He said 'try rubbing toilet paper between your tits, it's worked for your

    My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with his
    patients, it's a real shame cause he's a really good vet.

    Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale clitoris licking
    frog' She goes in and the shopkeeper say's 'Bonjour madame'.>

    Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much, it
    scared the s**t out of me. So today I decided I'm never reading again.

    Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her 'what's your mum
    like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'.

    A couple in a cafe in Llangollen asks 'Can you settle an argument for us
    and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?' The waitress leaned over and
    said ........ 'Burrr gurrr king'.

    Boss has to lay off Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office, boss say's 'I
    have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.....'You better jack off,
    I've got a headache'.

    Larry la Prise who wrote the hokey cokey has died aged 93. The worst part
    was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then the
    trouble started.

    Paul McCartney poem-: We lay upon the grassy bank, my hands were all a
    quiver, I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river.

    Sorry I haven't been in touch, a friend was rushed to hospital to have a
    dangerous mole removed from his penis...... he won't be shagging one of
    those again!

    It's important to keep fit as you get older, my granny started walking 5
    kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't know where
    the hell she is!

    Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of
    tinsel.... They say it's only for the Christmas period.

    A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of her
    pu**y. Doc say's 'that looks nasty'. She say's 'Nasty?, it's just the tip
    of the iceberg!

    Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite, the
    receptionist asks 'do you have reservations?' The bride answers 'Yes, I
    won't take it up the ar**'!
  2. Brilliant one liners
  3. chieftiff

    chieftiff War Hero Moderator

    You sir are a born comedian 8)
  4. :thanks: pure class
  5. They classics

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