Accident prone or just a Jonah

Any dits about mess mates who always seem to be unlucky or just plain clumsy,heres a few I remember:

UW3 onboard who hung the nameboards up on the fin before entering harbour then stood back to see if it was on straight.

Splash,man overboard!!

Same guy throws heaving line to shore party in Lorient and see's his Seiko watch following it.

Splash,scratch one watch.

Same guy again on trot senrty waiting for top brass to arrive whilst alongside in Faslane walks along port side of fin.
Fin door opens with the wind,hits him and he goes over the side but manages to hold on to port spring rope.
Sinks slowly into the water whilst wearing full number ones(Nobody else onboard a decent set)
Rescued by shipmates but he still has to do trot senrty,mentions that whilst going overboard he filled his pants.

Shipmates beat retreat due to unpleasant odour.


He also kicked the stewards portable radio over the side whilst on trot sentry duty in Dolphin,we got him to put his ear to the bulkhead to see if he could still hear it playing!

Fortunately he decides the navys not for him and puts his ticket in before something more serious happens to him


Lantern Swinger
Used to tuck my ferret down the back of my 8's trousers when not wearing it, until one day I forgot it was there. Dropped my trousers to have a dump, ferret fell into bowl, coiled down a lovely turd in ferret.
Me. I've just rolled up in Newbies for Ballistic's virtual DTS only to find he's been called away and there's no e-barrel going on. And there was no meat raffle. I'm on the road for a while commencing COP today so will, in all likelihood, dip out on the mis-muster. Bet he doesn't put me one in.


War Hero
Book Reviewer
This guy I'm writing about left the mob as a time done submariner then rejoined they wouldn't let him back on boats though so they sent him GS and put him in a POMEA's billet to relearn his trade and get his watchkeeping tickets. I could write pages and pages about him because he was a complete clusterf**k, a genuine menace to machinery. The Chief of the AAMR acturally banned him from entering that space. Anyway, his most memorable f*** up came after he left the ship and joined Guzz FMG. His unit were doing a diesel change at the time and this fella goes to see the Charge chief and drips that he's a very senior chief and should be treat accordingly and given more responsibilty on the team. Okay, says the charge, you're team leader for backshift on this diesel change from now on. The charge goes home 2 hours into the shift his phone rings. "You'd better come in!", says our subject on the other end. he'd f****d up on assmbling the chocks that the engine sits on prior to reconnection and whilst jacking it up to fit the (incorrect) chocks in he has to lift it too high, and therefore at too steep an angle. BANG! The thing slides off the chocks and 8 tons of diesel engine is now stuck in the bilge. Same guy also got stuck on a barbed wire fence at JP. What a cluster!
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