Absolute personal favourite jokes muster here ..........

skyvet

GCM
With so many jokes in circulation, I thought it might be amusing to post our own personal favourites - you know - the one you always tell at any given opportunity.
Here's one of mine to get the thread rolling ....................

A matelot had booked a sleeper compartment for his overnight journey to the north of Scotland, and was settled into the top bunk. He thought he was going to have the compartment to himself, when, at the last minute, this vison of beauty entered the sleeper. Jack thought all his birthday's had come at once as she slipped into a sheer negligee, and climbed into the bottom bunk. As the train rumbled out of the station on it's non stop trip, he wondered how to strike up a conversation with this beautiful companion.
Inspiration came to him all at once, and he asked her if she would pass him a spare blanket from out of the cupboard as he was cold. In reply, she said "as we'll never see each other again after tonight, and as we're all alone, why don't we pretend that we're married - just for tonight"? "Oh yes please" he replied, hardly believing his luck. She then said "well get your own f+++ing blanket"!

Over to you .................
 

Stirlin

War Hero
Bugger......usually at this time of year I plan what I am going to spend the £ 200 winter fuel allowance on , this year it looks like winter fuel.
 

buffersduffer

Lantern Swinger
My favourite ever text message to send....

‘I was shopping in Tesco earlier and thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread...... until I looked closer and realised it said ‘Thick cut’
 

taffscrivs

War Hero
I've got loads of favourites but the one that really cracks my racing oppo is this one.
Bloke comes home from work early to find his wife in bed with her toyboy.
'What's going on here?' he shouts.
Wife turns to toyboy and says, 'What did I tell you, thick as shit.'
 

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