A Week At The Gym....

The_Caretaker

War Hero
A week at the Gym ....

ONE MAN'S STORY....

Dear Diary:

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing in the University football team 25 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!

The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.


MONDAY:

Started my day at 6 am.

Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.

Woo Hoo!!!!!

She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.

Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!


TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.

Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it!

My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.

I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.


WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members.

Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurts when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.

She said some other !censored! too.


THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.


FRIDAY:

I hate that ***** Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleading *****. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!

And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the *&%#@+&* barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?


SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner.

However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.


SUNDAY:

I'm having the church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife (the other *****), will choose a gift for me that is fun ----- like a root canal or a vasectomy.
 

Subb0

Midshipman
lol good read fella. Keep going at it it will become rewarding i'm sure wish I had a trainer...
 

CWNG

Lantern Swinger
Caretaker, all you have to remember is that death comes to us all at some point. When the grim reaper comes for you he really does not care if you are fit or not. When its your time to go your gone. You can either waste your time getting fit (exercise, healthy eating, early nights) or enjoy life to the full (wine, women and song) its up to you.
 
Very good Caretaker, made me laugh,- liked the bit about the toothbrush- that used to be me. lol

Question, were is Belinda now ???
 
That Caretaker was the best story I have read this week.
More power to your keyboard finger.

I used to be keyboard sentry when I was a boy!
 
CWNG said:
Caretaker, all you have to remember is that death comes to us all at some point. When the grim reaper comes for you he really does not care if you are fit or not. When its your time to go your gone. You can either waste your time getting fit (exercise, healthy eating, early nights) or enjoy life to the full (wine, women and song) its up to you.

Or you can train hard, get rat arsed, shout for a naked bar and shag like a trojan due to your super stamina levels!!! Best of both matey!! :wink:

Good Post TC - keep em comin'!!

Spenny
 

andym

War Hero
Subb0 said:
lol good read fella. Keep going at it it will become rewarding i'm sure wish I had a trainer...
I have a few,what you want?A left foot one or a right foot one?
 
That soundsjust like me having volunteered to put up a new fence. Those concrete posts weigh a ton after the fifth one.

Good reading.
 

wkdwren

Badgeman
This made me cry with laughter!! I have a friend in the RNR who loves PT. Really loves it. And more than that she loves making me do more phys then is good for me. Will have to send this to her ;)
 
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