A question for all the guys with familys outside of the navy

Discussion in 'Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting' started by carter88, Apr 3, 2009.

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  1. I was just wondering what its like for all you guys with wives and kids especially. How hard is it to leave them when you are draughted away and how do you deal with being away from them? Also how long is the longest you've had to spend away from them?
  2. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    Many would say that it's quite difficult going away for up to six months & often people leave the service to see their children grow-up.

    Others would claim six months is too short.

    The job is easier if you join single, then get married/have children later into your career as they are used to you being away.

    It's far more difficult if you have a close, young family before you join - for many the wrench is too much.
  3. Kind of depends on the circumstances you're on about. I spent both long periods away and jobs where I was traveling for weekends at home. Both have their benefits and drawbacks and it's up to you to work out what works for you.

    I found the weekending it the most difficult, knackered all the time and never really getting time to do what I wanted to do. Any projects at home took ages because I was realistically only working on them a day or so a week, and trying to spend time with family was rushed.

    Being away for 6-9 months at a time was easier to cope with as I had time to go through a process of separation, before and after, and then a process of re assimilation coming home. It worked better for me.

    The longest I spent apart from my partner was I guess about 2 years, by virtue of both our jobs we saw one another for a few days at a time in random places around the globe.
  4. Re: A question for all the guys with familys outside of the

    Yeah it's difficult to leave the wife and kids, but all you have to do is get into your routine straight away and start thinking about the deployment and all the great runs your going to have, personally I would work the first week then go weekenders to the mess and not be seen till Monday, having pissed up in the SR's mess all weekend and got the deployment well and truly underway. But each to their own on how they deal with the separation. You know you will have to do it and if you don't like the idea or the feeling then you are in the wrong job, that's not a swipe at you by the way. :)
  5. Some people get all the good jobs, lucky lucky lucky :p
  6. I know ill be able to deal with it just wondering what i'm letting myself in for. On the flip side though how do the wives and kids find it?
  7. Re: A question for all the guys with familys outside of the

    When the ship starts to get ready for a deployment then all the DO's start handing leaflets on what your other half and you should do prior to and during the deployment. Basically your mrs has to get herself into a routine, instead of looking after you and the kids she will have the kids to look after, taking them to school, birthday's etc plus going to work herself if she does. Theres a website now that families and friends can log onto and speak to other people in the same situation, a sort of chat net for service families. Don't worry mate it does get easier, after a while of you at home after a deployment she'll be wanting you to bugger off again!! Mine does!! :lol:
  8. Re: A question for all the guys with familys outside of the

    I think everyone is different. In my case I married a good 'un who just got on with it (and is better with money than I am), fortunately she was a Guzz native and had family nearby. We moved house twice and she did everything 'cos I was at sea both times, she even told me the new address when I got back as well :lol:
  9. Re: A question for all the guys with familys outside of the

    Good job you didn't p**s her off then lol
  10. All families are different in the way they handle seperation and it would impossible to say how each copes in all honesty.

    My wife coped very well, although I think my children did not really like Dad being away for so long and so often. I think if your partner has a job and her 'own' life so to speak, then they find it a darn site easier to deal with. She also had some very close friends whom she could spend time with when she felt the need.

    As for myself, I did not enjoy leaving my wife and children for long periods such as 6 to 8 months, but I adapted to it by trying to blank them out to a certain exent, not be callous, just made it easier to deal with.

    My wife used to enjoy me going away for shortish trips as she would always plan to fly out to one of the ports the ship was visiting, which enabled us to discuss our purpose in life, share cooking ideas and the like. ;-) :)

    Also, have you been separated from your other half at all in the past? If so, that will probably make it easier to deal with on both your parts. Also, its a lot easier with the communication facilities we have these days compared to the lack of 'electronic' kit we had many years ago and the best you had was a 'Radio Telephone' call or letters and even a telegram service.
  11. At the moment im frequently away from my partner for a couple of months at a time so i'm used to the void when we part and i know what you mean by "blanking them out" as i do the same thing. I do not think i will have too many problems in the navy but i'm more worried for her than i am me. Will have to toughen her up for the future.
    Thanks for everyones comments so far keep em coming if there are any more.
  12. Don't text her any more get her used to you being away by writing blueys, even if you at home lol
  13. Yeah thats a good idea thanks. What sort of stuff have you got on the ships to keep in touch and how often do you get time/are allowed to use them like email etc.
  14. You can email as much as you want to as you will be given an email and internet account by the system administrator as part of your joining routine, although due to operational circumstances the facility may be withdrawn. When deployed you also have an Operational Welfare Package which gives you free phone calls each month. Used to be 20 mins per week, but I may be a little out of touch as I have been out 3 years now. You can also top up this facility by purchasing a 'Paradigm card' from the NAAFI should you go over those 'free' minutes.

    You can also use your own mobile when in range, but obviously be aware the costs will be very high on foreign networks, especially in the Arabian Gulf areas.
  15. Its hard for me being MI6... I have to mostly be abroad but when I am home I get plenty of time off like now.
  16. :lol:

    Mong 6 more like.

  17. Whats up, Playstation stopped working again muppet?
  18. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    Longest trip I've done is 7 and a half months, but that was a long time ago. I wouldn't like to do it now, 6 months is hard enough. When you're young it's easy, but I'd have to disagree with sparks, I think it gets harder as you and the kids get older. My wife would agree with that too. What's it like for them? Harder than it is for us, we get great runs ashore, they get the drudge of sorting out the kids, burst water pipes, washing machine breaks down etc. (I've found that something like this always happens within a couple of weeks of deploying). To that end I'd say it takes a very special woman to be a Naval wife, thankfully, I found one.
  19. Totally agree with those sentiments Tiddlyoggy and it does indeed take a special woman to be a Naval Wife and like you, I found one as well.

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