A Little Military Humour

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by Ager50, Jan 5, 2011.

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  1. Subject: A little Military Humor


    *Subject:* Military Humor


    Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
    After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window

    seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
    "Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."

    After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight
    lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired.
    Married, two sons, both Judges."

    After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
    himself.
    With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief Gunnery Sergeant,
    United States Marines, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
    back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced Colonel
    at
    the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled
    alongside.
    "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys "Yours
    is."

    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new Colonel was sitting
    at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.
    Conscious of his new position, the Colonel quickly picked up the phone,
    told the airman to enter.
    Then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this
    afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for
    your
    good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the
    young
    enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?" Nothing important, sir," the
    airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
    Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
    Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again! Do
    you have change for a dollar?"
    Soldier: "No, SIR!"

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
    A: He'll tell you.

    Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
    A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
    ------------------------
    ----------------------------------------
    An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were
    sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting
    finished with their shaves, when the barbers eached for
    some after-shave to slap on their faces. The General
    shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will
    think I've been in a bordello!"
    The Chief Master Sergeant turned to his barber and said,
    "Go ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a
    bordello smells like."

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    "Well,"! snarled the tough old Navy chief to the bewildered
    seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be
    waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."
    "Not me, Chief!" the seaman replied. "Once I get out of the
    Navy , I'm never going to stand in line again!"


    LAST AND THE BEST----------------------------
    The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane.
    At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
    "You 'ave been to Franzz before, monsieur?" the customs
    officer asked sarcastically.
    The old gent admitted that he had been to France
    previously. "Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your
    passport ready for nspection."
    The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have
    to show it."
    "Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your
    passports on arrival in Franzz!"
    The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look.

    *Then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at
    Omaha Beach in '44 I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to!"
    *
     

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