A holiday not.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by BillyNoMates, Aug 10, 2015.

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  1. Coming up to our 25th Anniversary of gettin' on each others tits, so I thought it would be a nice surprise to book a 14 day all inclusive stay in a smart gaff in Marrakech, Morroco.

    Imagine my surprise when Mrs WolfPack said;
    "I don't fancy Tunisia, because they chop the heads off chickens"

    If any of you can top that reason for not going to the wrong country in the first place due to the commonplace activity of beheading hens, I would really love to hear it.

    And I thought I had lost the plot.
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  2. Look on the bright side Billy ... 30 camels is the going rate!
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  3. Is that the "pre-enjoyed" price? Bit of wear and tear from what I can make out.
  4. We buy any ..... dot com!
  5. Billy - serious head on - try Club Hotel Puerto de Mogan on Gran Canaria. Been there a few times food is brilliant and Canaries are dead cheap! Wonderful location - could be construed as being romantic too!

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  6. Might have changed now but from my 24hr stop-over in a Nic55 the place was then a Germanic enclave...
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  7. We have been there two or three times in the last few years. There were some of the Master Race there and there were some Germans too! Also Scandinavians! A mixed bag really. We loved it - I was able to go diving and SWMBO was able to wander around the village and be back by the pool to wave me in! As I said the food (half board) in the evenings was excellent and copious, in fact we never ate out!
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  8. I bumped this because I have some information to share.

    I wrote somewhere that WolfPackLeader managed to blag two weeks all-inclusive in an apartment complex in Turkey.......one condition.......she went with her daughter and the 8 year old grand-brat, and I stayed home (no spare capacity). Well - she's been over in the blistering furnace for almost a week now - she gives us a Video Skype every evening when I'm not working and tonights' Skype-Fest reminded me of what us submariners used to do in our hotels/motels way-y-y-y-y before the advent of instant live video comm-links.
    So WolfPack and daughter have been attacking a shed load of wine today and when the wife finally managed to get her Skype working...she was gibbering like a three badge rock ape.
    "Oooooooh! 'Ello luv! I'm pissed me I am!" (daughter laughing in the background).
    She's a bit of a light weight in the booze guzzling department, but it looked like she had managed to imbibe a fair few glasses of local Turkish furniture polish and THEN she decides to wave her Nokia about in a vain attempt to make me jealous that she's 'avin a whale of a time and I'm working shifts to pay the fucking bills.
    (I can see people waving, drinking and generally having a hoolie).
    "It looks really nice love", I say.
    "Hold on love, I'll-I'll just show you where our apartment is....it's up there....SEE IT??"
    Peering at my laptop - trying to make out her wobbling camera-work, I can see fuck all but
    "No love - you're rat-arsed! Anyway - I'll call you in the morning before my night-shift
    because you'll be hangin' after supping all that paint stripper", I yelled.
    The camera sort of swang around and wobbled even more.
    "And THIS is one of the swimming pooo......"

    I suddenly got cut off.

    Yup. She's gone in . Ker-splosh!!
    In all her nice holiday clobber complete with the fuckin' mobile phone.

    Daughter Skyped me via Face-ache absolutely cheesin' down. WolfPackLeader has been
    put to bed and I'm trying to figure out what to say to the insurance company (TSB).

    I couldn't have finished a night on the piss better myself. Proud of her I am.

    Last edited: Sep 2, 2015
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  9. Possible suggestions.

    1. She was mugged but did not report it to local prejudiced police (and she did not fancy local nick after seeing Midnight Express)
    2. She was taken ill after eating salad washed in iffy water.
    3. Ditto taken ill after drinking local diet cola containing ice cubes (made from iffy water.)
    4. She was en route to historical site recommended by Temperance Association when there was an earthquake.

    Good luck.
  10. She's in Turkey, not Lancashire ;)
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  11. 32 degs. Centigrade out there today.
    WolfPack'll feel like a bag of crap this

    No sympathy is being given.
  12. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    Are they still doing day trips to Syria from Turkey?
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  13. I hope not. She's only 5ft tall and would probably look like one of these things out of Star Wars if she
    got on the wrong bus!

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  14. Billy this is a good place for a special occasions
    We went there for my Daughter’s wedding all inclusive, drink local rum by the bucket full, I tried to drink the rum cocktail list at least once a day twice on weekends, we eventually hired a people carrier from dodgy hires, this chap shows up and says he wants to see me drive, I say I have had a few rums so should not, he says that’s the way most of the Mauritians drove half cut?
    We found the food and the place to be fantastic, but I was pissed most of the time.
  15. Looking for my first, and her second holiday over the next few days. Further updates as
    and when.
  16. New phone inbound! After a ton of waffle, I've got the drunken mare a nice replacement for the one she drowned....and it's better than mine.
    Today I shall mostly be de-frosting the freezers before she rocks up on Tuesday because I've just found a ready meal in the back of one of them that says:

    "Property of Scott of the Antarctic - best before the end of 1912"

    Time to clean the house like a woman does.....it's going to be wrong but I already knew that.
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  17. She'd better not end marrying some 18 yr old Turkish waiter called Mehmet and decide to stay there after flogging her story to a womens magazine....I'm down to my last three.


    What the fuck do I do after Tuesday tea time?
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2015
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  18. Chip shop!
  19. Phone a Friend?
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