A Fairy Tale - From the Womans persective.

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
#1
This is the fairy tale that we should have been reading as little girls!

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating
ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant
meadow near her castle.

A frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was
once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper,
young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up
housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can satisfy my
needs, prepare and serve my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog
legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and
thought to herself:

I DON'T F***ING THINK SO!!!!!

Share with all the princesses you know! It's sure to brighten their day
 

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
#3
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three
rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?


2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for
over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later, they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?


3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?


4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday , or Sunday?


5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!





Answers


1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.


2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it and hung it up to dry.

3. Charcoal

4. Sure you can. Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow.

5. The letter "e," which is the most common letter in the English lannguage, does not appear once in the paragraph.
 
#4
janner said:
4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday , or Sunday?
Actually I was going with Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day! But your answer is good, too.
 

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
#5
The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?>

(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T MEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)


3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?


(they don't stop to ask directions)


4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?



(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock)


5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?


(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)


6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?


(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)


7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?


(don't know....it never happened)



8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?


(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
 
#6
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?


(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)[/quote]

I bought a blonde girlfriend a vibrator once, she had to throw it away, she said it made her teeth hurt! :wink: :twisted:
 
#7
Peter said:
janner said:
4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday , or Sunday?
Actually I was going with Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day! But your answer is good, too.
You both fail. Each of your example contains the word "day" which is part of the word in Mon-DAY, Tues-DAY, etc... :grin:

Try again lads!
 
#9
Always_a_Civvy said:
Peter said:
janner said:
4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday , or Sunday?
Actually I was going with Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day! But your answer is good, too.
You both fail. Each of your example contains the word "day" which is part of the word in Mon-DAY, Tues-DAY, etc... :grin:

Try again lads!
Miercoles, Jueves, Viernes no day there.

Nutty
 
#10
Always_a_Civvy said:
The frogs legs would also be nice brazed in red wine with shallots and a bay leaf and served on a bed on rice...
I ate some froglegs once, never again, I thought of all those leless frogs in wheelchairs :grin:
 
#11
janner said:
This is the fairy tale that we should have been reading as little girls!

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating
ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant
meadow near her castle.

A frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was
once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper,
young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up
housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can satisfy my
needs, prepare and serve my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog
legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and
thought to herself:

I DON'T F***ING THINK SO!!!!!

Share with all the princesses you know! It's sure to brighten their day
Janner,
This Princess is loving your work!!! :twisted:
 

dixie_gooner

Lantern Swinger
#13
Always_a_Civvy said:
Peter said:
janner said:
4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday , or Sunday?
Actually I was going with Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day! But your answer is good, too.
You both fail. Each of your example contains the word "day" which is part of the word in Mon-DAY, Tues-DAY, etc... :grin:

Try again lads!
How about the 1st, 2nd & 3rd???
 

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
#15
Sam died. His will provided $50,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last attendees left, Sam's wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said, "Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased."

"I'm sure you're right," replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper.

"Tell me, how much did it really cost ?"

"All of it," said Rose. "Fifty thousand."

"No !" Sadie exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, >> but really...
$50,000 ?"

Rose nodded. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the shul for the Rabbi's services. The shiva food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."

Sadie computed quickly. "$42,500 for a memorial stone ? >> Oy vey,how
big is it ?"


"Five and a half carats."
 

sgtpepperband

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#16
The Guys' Rules

We always hear "The Rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one; subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

1. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

1. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sports, cars, or sex.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

:twisted:
 

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
#17
Subject: Modern Barbie girl

Finally a Barbie I can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie
dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more
realistic...

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion
frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flush Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn
beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead.
Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3.. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers
grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,
roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with
tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely
taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the
pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines
with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really
paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for
Babs and Ken, Jr.. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and
cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change,
and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along
with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for
NapaValley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to
Do."

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's
car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the
ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance
steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously.. Comes with a
little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Post-Menopausal Barbie This Barbie wets her pants when she
sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the
channels.. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the
book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.
 
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