Shakey
War Hero
Was talking to a nurse t'other day and we started talking about strange A&E cases. There were some good ones.
One was a patient who presented himself with a vibrator stuck up his arse. It was still buzzing. Whilst waiting, the evil nurses gave him a metal chair to sit on. Of course the metal chair vibrated in sympathy with the vibrator so the whole chair was humming. As the nurses checked up on him at frequent intervals they noticed that his position on the chair was changing so eventually he was sat with just his thighs on the chair and his arse hanging off the side to stop the noise.
Another one was a man who came in with cuts all over his chest and covered in shit. He was a bit reluctant to explain the mechanism of injury. About fifteen minutes later another bloke came in with cuts all over his arse and covered in shit. It transpired one had been lying under a glass coffee table watching the other having a shit on the top. Unfortunately for them (and hilariously for everyone else) the table gave way.
My favourite was one about a bloke with a glass eye who came in because the socket (orbit?) was sore and weeping. They gave him some drops and took a swab. The results came back from the lab - it was gonnorhoea. Someone had been ******* his eye socket!
Also have a mate who's sister's a nurse who swears blind a bloke came in once with a dead Yorkshire Terrier on his cock.
(None of the above were matelots, though I wouldn't be surprised if the eyeball ****** was.)
One was a patient who presented himself with a vibrator stuck up his arse. It was still buzzing. Whilst waiting, the evil nurses gave him a metal chair to sit on. Of course the metal chair vibrated in sympathy with the vibrator so the whole chair was humming. As the nurses checked up on him at frequent intervals they noticed that his position on the chair was changing so eventually he was sat with just his thighs on the chair and his arse hanging off the side to stop the noise.
Another one was a man who came in with cuts all over his chest and covered in shit. He was a bit reluctant to explain the mechanism of injury. About fifteen minutes later another bloke came in with cuts all over his arse and covered in shit. It transpired one had been lying under a glass coffee table watching the other having a shit on the top. Unfortunately for them (and hilariously for everyone else) the table gave way.
My favourite was one about a bloke with a glass eye who came in because the socket (orbit?) was sore and weeping. They gave him some drops and took a swab. The results came back from the lab - it was gonnorhoea. Someone had been ******* his eye socket!
Also have a mate who's sister's a nurse who swears blind a bloke came in once with a dead Yorkshire Terrier on his cock.
(None of the above were matelots, though I wouldn't be surprised if the eyeball ****** was.)