Navy Net - Royal Navy Community

Register a free account today to join our community
Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site, connect with other members through your own private inbox and will receive smaller adverts!


...said the Wonderer as he meandered through the longest story in naval history on his way to the heads, where the Skipper was trying to have a pee but just couldn't concentrate.

Squeeky Slim waited for 20 minutes before Whitemouse appeared with a quizzical look on his face. He'd been reading Run em in: Life as a Reggie by SPB and still couldn't understand why anyone would volunteer to regulate innocent matelots. He looked up. Yes?

I've been sent to fetch a long weight, staff! squeeked Slim.

Called me Leading Hand son. You afloat now, not in the naval nursery! He growled. How long have you been waiting?

Er... 20 minutes Leading Hand.

So you've has your long wait then!

The penny dropped. Off she sped to the Galley but her scran had gone and the Cooks were busy scraping the hard bits off the bottom of the baking trays and nattering amongst themselves. She burst into tears.

There, there. It's alright sonny. said the PO Stoker who was on his way to fix a leaking pipe in the Galley. Homesick?.

Slim recounted all that has happened. The PO Stoker felt sorry for her and decided that action needed to be taken. So he said to the baby AB.......
..."I've got to fix a leak in here and I need some help. Can you get me a bucket of sparks from the Chippy's shop for this grinder?"
"Of course I can", he/she smiled through his/her tears. The PO Stoker looked bemused. "Ladyboy?" he thought. But that's another thread.

The Chippy was drinking tea in his workshop when Baby AB arrived.
"Nice arrse" he thought. "Whaddyawant?" he asked.
"I've been sent up for a bucket of sparks for your PO's grinder", came the innocent response. "He took pity on me after I'd been told to go for a long wait".
"Oh, right then. One bucket of fresh sparks coming up. Have you seen the Wonderer on your travels?"
Er, yes Chippy!said Slim, wiping her eyes.

On route back to the POS could you ask him to return the glass chipping hammer he borrowed last week.

Aye,aye Chippy! she replied, smiling.

Bless.... thought the Chippy, and carried on carving the fertility symbol he was preparing as a centrepiece for the forthcoming officers' cocktail party in Malta.
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? :scratch: ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Alas, the Wondered was wondering out aloud, but to no avail. The cast in this unusual drama carried on regardless.

As Slim wended his weary way about ship, a funny smell wafted along the boat from the forward mess. It was.......
Yes... the Wonderer was loving it. Unfortunately he thought Thingy was someone important rather that the boat's pet doggie. As Wonderer licked away Thingy reflected upon life as a dog, turned around and barked.......

Returning to the story...

SPB was leaning precariously on his laurels when he suddenly found himself under
the hammer again. He was being re-auctioned complete with his slops, to raise
money for a new bar of pussers hard on a rope, now that the MOD had decided that a
stiff scrubber and lashings of salty water would do just as well.

AB Slim, who was longing to wear make-up again, was the auctioneer.

What do you bid? There is a reserve price for SPB of................
But the hammer was being firmly gripped by Slim, who for a brief moment had delusions of being a Magistrate, then said:

Does anyone bid above a measly ten quid?

Thingy woofed eleven times.

The Wonderer shook his leg a dozen times (he was a closeted Mason).

Thingy woofed thirteen times.

The Wonderer shook his leg fourteen times.

Slim, who had a big crush of SPB squeeked: One and a half million! Half her entire annual allowance from Daddy.

There was a deathly silence from the ships company. SPB was deeply shocked. A handsome young sailor half his age bidding for his body.

Slim banged the hammer once. Then again. Then just as SPB was getting all excited, she banged the glass hammer down a third time and it shattered into thousands of shards.

O shucks! she said. But the Wonderer came to her rescue. He retrieved a broom from a nearby locker and swept her off her feet, proclaiming.......
Slim was gutted, but her toyseadad, SPB, doubled over, grabbed her by the scruff of her collar and walked off with Slim in his right hand and his teddy bear (Ldg Reggie Timmy) in his left hand, his seaman stained monosock between his teeth, and.........

Latest Threads