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...asked the Drunken Engineer on board the newly manned HMS/m Messenger of Death which had already been nicknamed "MOD" by her word weary crew, and skippered by the illustrious photophobic Captain......
 
Harry Bosch.

DE was confused. So far there'd been a cancelled deployment to Mauritious, a different submarine (name unknown), a lesbian CO, a particulary dodgy episode of Timeteam and one of Slim's legendary room-clearing farts.
"That Thingy's a persistent b#gger", he thought. "Maybe he wants to get this thread past 1000 posts."


"Sailing at 08 double-bubble DE", said Harry. "Reactor snags cleared?"
"Dunno......I think I need a beer" replied the engineer. He was looking pensive. Or was he just thinking?
Just then into the control room, preceeded by a loud shout of "Gerroffufeckers" walked.......
 
(Of course the DE was quite correct in his ingenious hypothesis as Thingy was after the RR Record for Skoot1984, so that future threads that exceeded 1000 would be known as "Skoots". :) )

Captain Dr Dr HarryBosch PhD, DPhil, VC (Bar), CB, OM, DBE was piped on board as he walked across the open foredeck, normally hermetically sealed by two giant teflon coated, hydrodynamic flaps. On the grey tarmac deck were fifteen brand new HOTOL-Harriers able to travel in space at the same velocity as the US Space Shuttle; a bright orange Wessex helicopter (sponsored by Orange), a bright green Sea King (sponsored by Greenpeace) all powered by hydrogen made by the submarine via electrolysis backed up by hydrogen fuel cells.

HB arrived at the Wafu's Briefing Centre, sat in the reserved deckchair shaded by the green and white striped marquee and was passed a glass of Pimms.

"Well chaps", he said "hope you've all have a spiffing time in my absence."

"We've missed you greatly!" said a baby wafu. The others grinned.

"Bless!" replied HB. "I'll be holding a briefing for all my officers in the Wardroom at 2100."

"But we'll miss Nine O'Clockers!" whined the disappointed baby wafu, Hig, who couldn't believe that the Old Man could be so inconsiderate.

"I forgot. We'll hold it at 2030 to give Higgy time to have his break." :biggrin:

Meanwhite DE and his master, the Joss Nutty were patrolling the forend after rumours of ice cold beer being stored amongst the torpedos had appeared in the submariners thread on Rum Ration, posted by Rod-Gearing, who was proposing a Forendy Party. Nutty has decided to seize the lot and store it for safe keeping in the Crushers Giant Beer Fridge which took up half the Stores space! They got away with this because the Stores Officer, Emeritus Lt Whitemouse was allocated a quarter of the contents.

Suddenly Scouse shouted from above.......
 
Uncle Scouse and Uncle Slim are coming below. Where's Sussex. We need him to locate a special rivet for one of the baby submariners: Type42, so we can introduce him to the cosy world of boats......
 
where things make sense......................................................as the actress said to the bishop............................
 
Yes Deeps I did, and i came back to defend myself, because people like yourself can`t let things go.

Theres always someone who can`t let things lie.
 
And so it was. Sussex, who hadn't slept for 2 days and three nights, was about to threaten to sue somebody for saying something blunt when something loud and metallic was heard above his head. Clanky was securing the forendy beer stash in the torpedo tubes as there was a buzz about Nutty and Ldg Patrolman DE hunting for illegal contraband. Roddy G hid the barbecue and briquettes in the forward heads and all was well.

Ldg Seaman Brazenhussy entered the mess in her red PVC thongs and demanded to know who'd hidden her number 8s........
 
Hig keel over and die will you. You ******* years out of date ,you talk shit and you love to cause trouble.Do us all a favour and thin out.
 
Baby Wafu Hig was flabbergasted to hear the Jimmy, Deeps, speak about him in such a derogitary way. He must either be dreaming, onto something or taking something. Obviously the Pimms wasn't up to its usual standard. Whilst all the wardroom machinations were going on Brazen was beating up a Fleet Sprog who had purloined her no.8s as someone (who shall remain nameless) has tossed his kit overboard, having just realised he had bit when he should have kept silent.

Meanwhile in the forend the reggies were thirstily approaching.

"ello, ello ello!" said Nutty as he passed through the narrow hatch, his eyes fixed upon the racks of chilled torpedos, searching for out of place tinnies......
 
Hands to flying stations 1 gee Scouse and Slim scramble the SAR Slims flying but we have to take his dinghy pack off so he can fit into the seat. scouse is crewman old and bold with his kid gloves and reyburns on.Try looking for Guns and Snotty no joy! But visual at 4 OCLOCK see Sussexs2 who is walking in some distress with NZBN LUKEP PURPLE RONNIE and Type 42 say they have been on some gay pride route march. The choppers getting overloaded with all this extra weight. But one more sole to save. I will have to winch up THINGY as he will never make it over the devils elbow of the ST Vincent mast. Got him just in the nick of time he was falling fast!! Right Slim Homeward bound and watch out for low flying Buccs :w00t: :thumright:
 
Thingy was shocked to discover that the Vincey place's mast was higher that 14.5 feet and was actually 15 feet. Five feet off the deck he encountered the brownhatter's scrambling net connected to something large and wooden which was jutting out of the pole thing. He burst into tears but just then as his grip slipped he was rescued by the brave men (and one sheep: Lukep: baaaah!) and flown to safety. His newfound uncles had come to the rescue, and to thank them both and show his appreciation of their bravery he gave them each a big.........
 
slap around the chops with the soggy end of Deeps' left arm, thoughtfully, but nonetheless painfully removed by Hig. No offence Deeps. Seemed like a reasonable thing to type at the time.

"WTF is happening to this thread?" thought Thingy as the SAR helo headed back to which ever vessel it had originated from. Thingy was as confused as he could be. This story was turning into one of those dreams that you wake from thinking, "how the hell did all that happen and I'm still back here in time for me wheaties?"
As the helo dropped out of the clouds and skimmed the oggin, Slim was grinning to himself at the thought of another ace rescue well done.
A shout erupted in his ears. It was Scouse. He was pointing at the low horizon. There was smoke. Or was it jet exhaust?
"B#gger!" thought Slim. "The sh1t's about to hit the big whirly things!"
Scouse turned to the passengers and said......
 
Right you lot im not winching you down .Your absailing from 60ft all out together GO. NZ bootnick was first out no problem. bugger me Sussex2 Type 42 Lukep thingy and purple ronnie, have landed on top of one another. Oh boy their loving it and signalling B/Z to me and blowing me kisses :w00t: Right Slim lets divert to Lossie. First one in the Coulard gets the Half and Half in. Try and trap some younger bird tonight Slim at "The Two Red Shoes" Me and Mitch are fed up of singing "You cant take your granny on the bus" :thumright:
 

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